kids these days

serves you right queen...
i asked u once,y simple,
and thats all i shoulda had to do.
u know i have my reasons,
and they are justified, tried and true...
i wouldnt ask u to do something for no reason....
it all makes sense,
it's all very simple,

and it all would have been so much easier had you just listened to me in the first place.


kids these days...
they dont want to pick up a phone,
make a 2 second call to make things sit right,
confirm details,
and make life easy...
no...
the need to text everything on their i-phones...
simple directions,
meeting times,
etc.,
get tangled in endless texts
making a 2 second question
turn into a 3 hour dilena...
all i did was ask you to call me
hear your response in your own voice...

know you were serious about our meeting...
and you woulda had daddy's big fat cock in you now..

oh well.
now u know.









don't say i didnt warn you...
stupid girl

my way

just when i thought
that i'd said too much,
and i'd insulted and been mean
and bitched and complained,
when my mouth overtook me,
my brain started racing,
my voice became irate
as the words got nasty,
my tone was obnoxious,
and my gestures were grand...
but when i stopped,
just for a moment,
and thought,
joe, you've done it again...
you've gone too far,
and i waited, patiently for a response.

i waited and waited,
thinking to myself that i'd ruined a good thing,
destroyed any chance,
crushed any hope,
snuffed out any way possible
that i'd ever hear back
anything good,
any kind words,
anything positive...

and when i had just about given up,
lowered my head,
accept defeat
and chalked one more fuck-up to my stupidity,
kicked myself in the butt,
and thought i'd just about die,
the phone rang...

and it was the opposite.
by standing up for myself,
asserting my beliefs,
and taking my stand,
i made them realize
that i'm not one to be told what to do,
how to do it,
and my strength made them see,
that i know what i'm doing,
know who i am,
understand my worth,
and asserted my strength.
and they gave in.
gave me more than i wanted,
more than i dreamed,
more than i hoped for,
and it made me see,
that from now on,
it's my way
or nothing at all,
for my mind is a sharp tool
and it wicked and bright,
it towers above others
who think they have sight.
it's light years ahead
of what others can see,
it's leaps and bounds beyond ones
who question their dreams.
it's what i do best,
so just let it be,
trust me,
i'll do it,
and you'll believe when you see
that it's genious,
it's new,
it's different,
it's real,
because deep down i know
that i trust what i say,
respect myself,
and will do it
no other way.

next time

after the fallout,
the earth seemed eerily quite.
no background noise,
no city traffic,
children playing,
even white noise was silenced.
the earth stood still for some time
as the wounded bled out the past and regenerated their vitality from deep within.
although the wreckage seemed devestating,
it actually wasn't so bad.
he just stopped for the time being
and let all of the bad soak in,
and in so, learned from his mistake.
next time he would know better.
next time it wouldn't go so far.
next time...
if there was a next time.
maybe that was the lesson he was supposed to learn...
there shouldn't be a next time.

but then again....
he did know himself.

Gypsy

ya get what u give

it never fails

u give 100%,

u get 10 back

you give everything, trying to prove ur worth,

prove that the client cant live without u,

but then,

they become monsters in front of your very eyes.

2 days ago i get a call,

completely out of the blue, from a german, of all things

germans are notorious for being strict, want it all, monsters

in my eyes anyway

this guy is in town,

LOVES my work,

wants me to shoot an event he was having today

ok, sounds good

i show up at the hotel

camera, lights, everything in tow

when i get there, a hot boy answers the door

hello

hello

oh, u must be the photographer

yes

oh he says

oh? i say

theres a little drama, can i bring u to another room?

sure i say

so we go to another oom, same hotel, 3 other hot boys are there

all is in question

why am i even here?

it turns out the client had herself a nervous breaakdown THEN AND THERE

and threw all of these gorgeous escorts he had hired,

and i was supposed to shoot

out of his hotel room

saying they had stolen his identity,

reported him to the police,

AND called CNN, an told them he was on drugs and having sex with teenagers in the hotel room

if theres ever a time to do a OMG, this is it

what the FUCK?

have u gone nuts?

so there i am,

wondering what to do,

bunch of hot NYC escorts, half hard n naked,

waiting for me

OMG?

well, im a trooper, so i pulled out my camera,

got them in different states of dress and undress,

and shot

some incredibly hot images

great, sweet, nice, appreciative boys who gave me 100%,

and never met the client, ever

he stayed in his room pouting, screaming, carrying on until

UNTIL

security came and threw us all out of the hotel

can u imagine?

so that was my day

unbelieveable as it ay sound,

all tre,

all insane,

all fun

my life is insane

other insane, fun, happy memories of days gone by

i just realized, in googling myself,

that i am seeing my biography unfold,

in a candid, uncanny way

what gets noticed,

what people see,

amounts to,

who n what i am

scary

back to the gypsy that i was

facts of life

you take the good,

you take the bad,

you take them both,

and there you have,

the facts of life...

god, it was always so simple,

yet it took me years to unravel the mysteries before me.

the ones i already had been given the solutions to,

and the ones that really made no sense of why i needed them anyway,

except to confuse and distract me,

and cause me heartburn and indigestion.

all of the nights i sat up worried,

thinking,

confused,

nervous,

and for what?

for nothing,

except to help form me into the freak i am today.

catholic guilt lives on hard n long in me.

through the trials and tribulations of a gay man in NYC,

i have compiled and compressed everything from friends and magazines to hair clippings and swatches.

filtered out the unuseable or normal ones,

descifered and decoded the interesting ones,

regergitated and renewed the best ones,

so that they will live on, even in a world that doesnt need or want them.

it's a long strange road we all take,\and each step of every path is differnt,

no two are alike.

some hard,

some easy,

some uphill,

some down,

some insane and frustrating,

others, insane and not so frustrating...

but its how we get there,

what we make of every second we get,

and how we turn it into our own story of our own lives.

chapter one,

ugh,

here goes...

random

random photos
different days

pin drop

it had been a long time coming.
but it was finally here.
it wasn't something he was excited about,
not something he ever wanted
or expected,
or dreamed would actually come into fruition,
but it was destiny,
and it was bound to take it's toll.
and it didn't come unannounced,
didn't sneak up
or happen when his eyes were closed,
it hit him,
hard,
fast,
and strong.
knocking the wind out of him,
leaving him breathless,
leaving him defenseless and weak.
it took every ounce of everything he had in him.
it drained him to the core,
and for a moment, he sat there,
alone,
quiet,
empty.
when he finally got the strength to lift his head
and look around,
he noticed,
everything was gone.
it was eerily quiet.
he could hear a pin drop.
and so,
he closed his eyes,
lowered his head,
and accepted defeat.

steve cruz

steve cruz


http://stevecruzblog.com/
http://twitter.com/#!/stevecruzblog

Try Again

dusk turned to dawn,
and in those precious hours,
time passed, and wounds healed.
all of the heartbreak once felt
was washed over by a new day, another hope.
and even though some of the past still showed through
there was something quite calming and sobering,
just knowing that what was once troublesome and hurtful,
would soon be gone forever.
it would never be completely forgotten,
for if it was, it wouldn't have been so hard to step away from.
it would serve as a reminder that sometimes, love hurts,
and the deepest cuts are most often made by the ones we love.
they are the ones with the power and knowledge
on how to hurt us the most.
it's sad that the ones who cause the deepest pain
are also the ones who, at one time, we thought we couldn't live without.
it's unfortunate that they couldn't give just a little bit more,
try just a little bit harder,
or listen just a little bit longer.
but then again, if they had,
we wouldn't have had to let them go.

so, at first you didn't succeed,
brush yourself off and try again,
because there is something else waiting,
just around the corner.
something that will make you happy,
make you smile,
and be there for you...always.

...and then, without another tear drop falling,
the sun came out,
and a new day had begun.

all i ever wanted

i never said i was perfect,

perfect is an illusion i was placed under.

perfect is something that is nearly impossible to achieve.

perfect is what i was

before i let myself believe that what you thought, mattered.

now i have given myself the respect

to acknowledge the fact

that i am not perfect.

i know for a fact that what i do

isn't incredible,

it's only superficial,

but i also give myself the credit to know

that i did it my way.

by myself,

without anyone's help.

i climbed every rock,

i swam every sea,

i jumped every canyon,

i flew higher than i ever dreamed i could,

and somehow, to someone,

i made a difference.

maybe i made someone smile.

maybe i brightened someones day.

maybe i made someone laugh.

i never meant to make them cry.

i only wanted to bring joy to the world,

any little way that i could.

i don't have much to give,

but what i give, i hope is good enough.

if i made a difference,

then i succeeded.

and that's all i ever wanted.

Beautiful

i am slowly coming to grips with the fact that, in the end, you die alone. i have seen it all, from good to bad, and what i get from it is, if you want something to change, you have to stand up, look it dead in the eye, and change it. people are not kind, rather, strangers are kinder than friends sometimes. friends are sometimes a little too close, know a little too much, and have a little too much invested to say or do things you really need from them. not that it makes them bad people, it just makes it harder to help when they feel they've helped enough. but isn't that the point of being a friend? reaching out to someone you love, who really needs you? we all go through things, good or bad, but the things we go through mean so much less when there's no one you love by your side. today i learned something very important about life, about people, and about friendship. i learned that if you really want to earn respect and loyalty from others, you have to give it back, freely, without putting restraints or conditions on them. people make mistakes. no one is perfect...but some of us have the ability to grow from our mistakes, while others just perish in them. i used to be sad when i was alone or scared, now it enables me to stand tall, knowing that i can in fact, be alone or scared, and it will all be ok, someday. no one should ever make you feel bad. no one has the right to make you feel less than. no one is better than you. the only times people use their evil words to their advantage are the times when they themselves know, for a fact, that they are actually less than. because they cannot come to grips with this fact, they turn their ugliness into a mirror, and try to deflect it away from themselves, and onto you. it proves nothing, except that they are typical. and typical is not something anyone really ever wants to be. everyone wants to be a star, everyone wants to be great...but the great ones are great, only because they don't resort to being ugly. they are secure enough to ask you how you feel, what's going on, and how you are doing. the most beautiful person in the world looses their beauty when they show their true colors, and the colors are not pretty. just being kind, being secure, and being a good person is, in the end, enough. if you listen to these words, try and live by them. be a friend. be kind. be generous. be greatful. and in the end, when all is said and done...i promise you, you will be enriched with an amazing life.

live your life to the fullest...and enjoy it.

because it's short.

dedicated to my ex, brad Romaker, who, today showed his true colors, and they were very ugly.