miracle

miracles happen every day.
more than that, actually.
some may be so tiny to the naked eye that they are never even actually seen
but the change they have caused in everything around them
makes you know for certain they actually happened.
today, waking up, to me,  is considered a small miracle.
the last few months have been traumatic,
nothing seems to be going my way,
i've tried, and tried again,
i've even started beginning to pray.
but there isn't anyone listening.
no one seems to understand
that i'm in a place i can't fathom,
it's foreign to me
i almost always have a plan
and am in control of my destiny.
but not for four years or more.
since then, it'sdifferent,
and i'm not so sure...
everything i've ever known
had hit a wall
and stopped
and now i'm all alone.
questioning the reasons why
my life has somehow become unknown
to me.
and yesterday was a bad day.
i woke up questioning where i was,
who i was with
and what i'd become...
but this morning laying next to me
before my eyes opened,
i heard them breath
and just that tiny thing told me
i was home,
and felt relieved.
that was a miracle,
for me, anyway.
it told me i would be ok.
if only for today.

caverns of his mind

it's amazing, he thought, just how little 

rest and nourishment the body actually really needs...

it occurred to him that his life was probably almost more than half over at this point, and there had been so many precious memories, incredible trips, wonderful times with family and friends, as well as high and low points, of course, but what they all added up to was, in the end, he thought, good. 

there were times he could naturally recall, which he wasn't exactly proud of, but none he would have ever missed, not even a second of. for it was those times that gave him perspective, showed him a different angle, or way to approach something similar, if, God help him, it ever came up. and it was that knowledge that he kept locked away, deep inside the cavers of his mind, that he cherished most, because they let him know, for fact, that yea, he might-a fucked up, but he was still here, he was still strong, and he was still alive.

i don't know

"is there a vending machine on this floor?" were the first words he awoke to this morning. 

"i don't know..." he replied as he shook his head and looked around wondering where the hell am i? 

"i don't know."

he didn't know where when how or why he was in this motel room with a strange black man who when he took a second look at he recalled having incredible sex with...but where did they meet, oh wait, now he recalled, what did it matter, it didn't, after all.

but every now and then when he wasn't under a spell, and the moon wasn't following in retrograde, or there was a moment of off time to be had when the insanity had died, he realized that this was not such an uncommon occurrence his not knowing where he'd been...and then by the time he had his wits about him to try to resolve and complete the task of making sure things changed, he had already forgotten why, because his memory had been burned.

maybe that was why he recently started noticing people shaking their heads when he walked by. not in disapproval, but more in a sadness, for they knew that there was no way of helping this blind man cross the highway, not this man, he wouldn't ever accept help or for that matter, sit and wait for someone to try. his stubbornness was matched only by his talent, and these were the two things that made him a genius, and also tore him up to shreds. 

fuking while on greindr

Get your story straight,

dear God, please,

don't think that i'm as dumb as i look,

okay?

you said that your night was free,

so i said "let's hang out" you said yes,

and then it got mixed up somehow,

when you actually met me...

if for some reason you weren't into it,

just say that girl,

whatever,

your not as i thought you'd be either,

but i handled it correctly

and there it is...

you all of a sudden had made some plans,

with someone, somewhere,

i don't understand...

your "friends" sent you some kind of "reminder'

i guess that's the text you were replying to on Grindr.

i just would love if for one minute

we could start acting like grown ups

and not twits...

but we gays don't know how to be

nice to others, unless, you see,

it will somehow benefit us

and then, well, please...

we bend over backwards

we make a fuss,

but only when it is in the interest of whats good for us.

but i aint stupid!

i'm no fool...

i'll tell u one thing

then i'll let it rest,

is that cool?

i didn't expect

not for a sec

that you and i would ever be

together forever till the end of time

for all of eternity,

but i was funny, i was nice,

i was cordial, and even was pleasant enough to bite my tongue

when you all of a sudden had time for me to take some pics of you(for free),

while your "friends" were waiting.

after you left,

i began debating

what to do about this, so,

here i am ventilating...

chapter 8,497

when his eyes opened this time,

they weren't straining or trying to focus,

but instead they were clear and bright and

 when  they opened they saw the two things that mattered most and that he loved more than anything in the world... his babies. one laying in the crook of his knee, the other curled up in a ball at his side. nothing that he had done the day before seemed to matter anymore, because this was a new day, a new beginning to another chapter that began right now...

frieday

sometimes all it takes is one thing,

maybe just the one person who, happened to be there with you,

in one situation that maybe isn't reputable,

but you did it anyway...

one day, in the one week of the one year of the one life you will ever have.

and that one thing echoes differently than the other mumbo-jumbo you've been hearing in your ear the last few months..

maybe this new one is the one tat

one day makes you 

one hundred percent certain that you are 

one of the only people in the once upon a time place earth, 

once had on it

if even for one day...

 

he used to think that everyone around him felt that everything he did everyday of his life was nothing more than just an insane man filling time with whatever he needs to do to become what he, in his head,

can deal with and can make him feel okay to think that he is maybe is not the only one...

but the crumbling bridges that come from out of the tumbling mounds

of nothing other than simple common grounds that make no mention of what they did before they were even a millisecond of an instant before the second of the dawning

of the very first day they ever became...anything that was even worthy of a name, but before you knew it

it transgressed and transcended 

into another orbit

than from the one millions of light years even,

from where it originally came...

but in the words he actually with his own ears heard

he understood that it maybe could be misconstrued as something other than

what it knew was in fact nothing other than

the simple truth.

and so without further interruption

on the already written somewhere in the stars production that they called everyday life was undeniably all planned out in a strange illegible manuscript uncovered

one day in the future

by someone who is nothing close to anything that even resembles

the thing we now describe and point to and address as 

just an ordinary man.

2-fuckin-day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp1g0r1vX8o

so, r ya ready?

now, i had had quite a day.

i slept well, woke up cause babyboy had to peepee and once i was up, i was up...

i walked the babies and on the way back decided to gewt my ass up n out n just enjoy the day and do shit i shoulda done 2 weeks ago...

i'm checkin my email, and..

4real?!?!?

i get an email from a "friend" who i been asking whats up forever and he says nothing.

ok, right,. so, i stay away, give space, and then i get the email saying he's mad at me cause i owe him coins...but, like, what??? why??? i aint uset cuz i photographed ur fat ass a hundred times naked no less, and didn't get but 2 ents and nothin but drama about getting u the pics asap..retouched.

ugh.

fags is fags n why i'm over them.

until i get home n there is an eviction

otice on my door cause my stupid immigrant landlord cant do the goddamned math, and lie a fuckin idiot, she put in the courts that i owe rent ((when, bitch, i just paid u cash ho, recall dat??) and it was only cause Q H the dj/producer idiot "friend" of mine i shot (who told me she wanted to pay me cuz she knew what happens to artists, bla bla) and still hasnt paid me the fuckin amount, and so, whatever, i owe coins and i am bouncin checks all over nyc cause a her .

i am over over over faggots, so if u are one, either come to me on all 4's ass up (and clean) and ready to get a load dfumped in u, or, get the f78ck outta my face,

good day bitches, i'm out!

"what if""why""maybe"

you would thought that the way he was last week,

everything this week, would have been a nice calm, almost a relief...

but no...

he continued his fast paced routine until h nearly collapsed head first into a bag of popcorn,

the first real meal he'd eaten in what seemed like weeks...

but that's just how he rolled...

never thought "what if"

never questioned "why"

never doubted "maybe"

and always insisted on "cool"

as the answer that made everything seem like it would all somehow work out.

someday maybe.

today he had one last day to make everything right

that wasn't..

but before that even started,

before he even began at step one,

he needed too close his eyes and sleep,

at least for an hour

and then everything would at least be...

tolerable...

at the very least...

https://twitter.com/joeoppedisano

http://joeoppedisano.tumblr.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/#!/joe.oppedisano.31 

ffone sexxx

    i aint talkin bout phone sex now...ok, so, listen up faggots!

when did we become so busy that we forgot the very basic, simple skill of picking up a phone and calling someone, or, answering when they call?

is text really a legitimate form of communication when it's actually easier to pick up a phone and just call someone and tell them something? why are we so baffled when things get mixed up and confused that things didn't go right when the person tried calling you, but ya didn't pick up cause you were screening the goddamned call?!

please people...grow up (or even better-remember that you are forty plus years old), and the phone is primarily for SPEAKING to someone!

that's all...

every day

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zzP29emgpg

every day when he woke up

first thing he did after walking his two loyal best friends,

his dogs, and then made his coffee,

he went to his desk, turned on his computer,

and said

"today is a new day, i will make a change."

consciously hoping yet

understandably knowing

that things had to get better...

for they couldn't get worse.

he had hit walls,

fallen down

picked himself up

again and again

but there was never any sign of relief,

of an end,

of comfort,

but then again...

when he looked at his vision

and understood what he had done

he realized that deep inside

he had grown and blossomed.

maybe today would be different.

maybe he just had to push on...

maybe life would turn around,

maybe not,

but possibly...

he would try, nevertheless...

 

circus city

as the circus tents shutbehind them
the crowded streets of the real world in which they lived,
manhattan,
were the same as they always were..
bustling with cars with honking horns,
tourists with maps,
locals with impatience,
and hot dog vendors with salmonella.
if he had been looking at this on any other day
it would have all seemed normal.
but today
not in the same state of mind,
it seemed like a wonderland of insanity...
the air felt so cold, fresh, and clean...
the noise that usually was,
was not today
for the music of the circus had deafened his ears.
and then as if it were November,
it started to snow...
and the city felt like the fairytale place
he had always dreamed it would be...

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Joe Oppedisano

5 hours ago

in the city that never sleeps, it's almost shocking when you are awakened by the sound of something so simple as something different is happening, for the very first time, in all of history...because, well, haven't we seen it, done it, had ...it all before? but this weekend the circus comes to town, and the sound of Honey Dijon spinning records at the Black Party will be the first time ever we hear the sounds of a sister, and not just any sister, but a black sister, who happens to be also trans gender...the walls are crumbling down...we are maybe, just maybe, becoming people worth something more than just a three dollar bill we are associated with.... werq Honey! tear it up!See More

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  Gregory Demers so does that mean ill see you at 6am on sunday morning at roseland?

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j/o was here

LOOK!
UP IN THE SKY!
IT'S A BIRD!
IT'S A PLANE!
IT'S MICHAEL LUCAS' STAR FALLING RAPIDLY IN FLAMES!!


ok, i admit it..
i hate her.
michael lucas i mean..
HER.
the only one i actually mean as a woman when i say girl.
she's hideous,
she's nasty,
she's ugly,
she has a skinny peepee (cock is too much of a word to even use)
she stinks,
she's cheap,
but, she does do one thing perfect..
and that is to represent the stereotype of how cheap a jew can be.
no, i'm not anti-jew.
au contraire...
i love them, but she's not the best example of a good person,
let alone jew.
so..
that's it,
i'm headed to bed.
goodnight!

it wasnt

  f http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0-oSgjwhvk



it wasn't as if he had anything else to do.
well, not really THAT much.
but enough is enough and he had called his own bluff
when he decided that it was time for change
and did nothing out of the ordinary
or anything strange.
he tried his hardest
to do his darndest
but the harder he tried
the more craziness capsized
all the plans in his head
that he felt sure of when he was in bed.
it was spinning out of control all to fast.
could it be really
that the last time was really last?
could he conquer more battles
one day at a time
or would this be the last one
was it an inaudible rhyme?
could he sense that he had
just nothing more to be sad
and from now on, if he tried
he would not be capsized
anlonger,
now tomorrow is another day
this one sucked,
but he knew who was the one who truly betrayed.
it was him
only him
and he said it out lod.
it was me
just lil old me
and in his mind,
he flew free.

introducing:

everyone's a star.

everyone's a hooker.

anyone who's up to par

that is...

especially the lookers.

they come from all around the globe

to nyc 

to touch and hold

a piece of fame.

they change their name

in their quest for fame,

to cause no shame

or point to blame.

just let it be,

it's a profession old 

as history

and if their star burns bright

you'll watch them every night.

so just sit tight

and watch their flame ignite.

relax, rewind, rethink, revamp, and reinvent.

It wasn't until mid afternoon that the moment of sheer clarity hit him dead between the eyes and he instantaneously understood that it was in fact, very strange...was it just coincidence that everywhere he turned it all seemed to looked like a movie set? and wasn't it funny that his life was very similar to a made for t.v. movie? it would be an amazing vehicle for Valerie Bertinelli or even Melissa Gilbert for that matter...but was he and his life real, or was it all just a pre-taped mini-series that had been shelved for years and was just now being found in a dumpster and played by some intern who thought it was a bad spoof on Sex & the City? the gay version? the one where Carrie doesn't get Big in the end, but gets pushed in front of a subway car while on her way home from a night out drinking Cosmo's with the girls and is found wearing not one piece of designer clothing, but...Gap?

is this what he had become?

a parody of a show that was too scandalous for network television and so all the best funniest, and most original scenes were censored to not offend "middle America" who would surely never understand any of Samantha's smug one-liners

or sexual innuendos...

maybe he was being dramatic.

he had a tendency to over-react...

over-think...

over-exaggerate...

even over-analyze everything.

that's when the second moment 

of clarity came,

but this one told him to 

just shut the fuck up, 

relax, rewind, rethink, revamp, and reinvent...

and eventually

revive.