Everything falls in it's own time and space, into it's rightful and just place. the time yesterday wasn't right for certain things that, if said or done, might be considered "distasteful", "derogatory", even if "divine"...but then today arrives and the storm of negative PR has blown over and everyone can now laugh, if not chuckle, at whatever it is that's said in a "humerous" way.
he isn't like the ones that care, in fact, he'll always try and take you there, anyway, anyhow, everywhere, everytime.
all the days and all the nights filled with all the pain from all those vicious fights, drew all that blood from each one of those bites...
it's hard to turn back all the wrongs and somehow make them once again alright.
i'm tired of all the pain i've felt, it makes me sad when i see the cards i've been dealt. never in a million years, would i want to live my life in fear, but fear i've lived, and so, i fought, i said some things i should have naught. but the defense mechanism i used didn't work, instead it made things worse, and so, i'll try again, but a different approach. i only want the best, you see, and not just simply for me, but for everyone, i swear it's true, i want my life to start anew. we all say things we soon regret, we say them, and then deep down forget that what we say can't be erased, and so make amends, and hope it can be replaced.
there was something in the way in which it was said.
without raising a voice, pretension, judgments,
but no, instead...
was said with honesty, simplicity and knowledge
of the great promise that lies ahead.
no one had ever told me that,
no one had ever said,
that it's ok,
be not afraid,
there's something you should know...
your knowledge is your power,
go forward,
don't look back,
always be prepared for an attack,
nothing's simple,
nothing is fair,
you pay the price,
you roll the dice,
hope for the best,
but don't expect.
nothing that is worth a damn
is ever really free.
but the price you pay
may seem an outrage
but it's just part of the plan.
what it all comes down to really,
the very end,
is a very simple thing to understand.
be kind, be gentle, be sweet, be nice
and most of all,
just be my friend.
Imiss him, badly, but honestly i can say, i will survive if by some chance, he goes the other way. just as happy, just as proud, but maybe not the way i would feel if we resolved this now, don't let time slip away... Bob.
time is fleeting.
no time to be proud.
common, really?
i just don't understand.
all the things that we've been through, most happy, some sad, through sickness, health and love...all the days and nights for so many years, my friend, this cannot really be the end. ???
funny how, i had almost forgotten all about it. crazy...how could i?
the first one, the one i thought was it, everything, forever, impossible, yet something i was prepared to fight for, no matter how bad the battle. he was my best friend for almost 3 years, we played football together every fall, double dated, played fooseball, and pac man non-stop, and were with each other, nearly every other second of the day, if not, we were attached by the ear on my mothers "new" cordless phone. she was so modern...
and so, one day, we were alone at my parents house, they were out playing poker with their friends, my sister was out at her girlfriends for the night, and Bill and i had the house to ourselves. we were starving, so Pizza-Hut was mandatory, as well as a quick shoplifting of candy at the grocery store down the street. when we got home, both bloated from too many cokes and a large everything pan pizza, which is always extra greasy...we crashed on the couch together, each of us took back support from an arm while our legs opened up to each other and locked somewhere around the foot, securing us both on the couch completely not gay, or gay intended...i swear. we were watching Saturday Night Live when i got up and asked if he wanted any ice cream, he said "yea bitch, get me my ice cream!" and laughed, i joked saying "yes Massa!" and ran into the kitchen. when i got back into the living room, Bill was striped down to his "Calvin Klein", designer underwear, which i had told him seemed way too gay, cause, like, who needs designer underwear for $12. when Hanes are the same thing, really, but he said i didn't understand cause i wasn't as big a ladies man as him, and didn't have cause to drop trou and show off my underwear as much as he did...which, was a lie, well, not really...
so when i saw his standing there in the bathroom next to the living room, flexing his biceps and showing off for himself in the mirror, i broke out laughing hysterically. "what a fag!" I shouted...at which point he bolted out of the bathroom and tackled me down to the floor, playfullly, saying he was gonna kick my ass. i laughed and struggled, i mean, he was definitely the better athlete of the two of us, and strong as a ox, but i ut up a good fight until he got me down on the ground and out of nowhere had me in a hold with his thighs wrapped around my head, his crotch in my face, and his teen-stink emanating from his sweaty hairless torso. "yea, you say i'm a fag, but i bet you'd suck my dick, gayboy" he said, his balls rubbing against my nose as i tried to hide the fact that i was sniffing deeply as quiet as possible. "fuck you fag" i said, and then, it happened...
"did you ever think about sucking a guys dick?" he asked me.
"hell no" i said, lying so blatantly it now seems shocking he didn't already know...
"this is gonna sound gay n shit, but, i jerked off a few times thinking about you suckin my dick, and me suckin yours.." he said, so honestly, so nervously, so unexpectedly, that i knew for definite that what he was saying was not a scheme to get me to say i did too, but a true deep hidden thing he needed to get out. "really?" i said..."yea..." he said...at that second, his dick jumped in his shorts, and my sweaty forehead, somehow, nudged closer to his crotch, opened my mouth a little, and wrapped my lips open onto his Calvin's, and when i looked up into his eyes, they were wide open, staring down at me, and smiling...and that was the beginning of a very unbelievable affair that lasted 4 more years.
where is he now? i wondered the other day, whats his life like...is he married? is he gay? is he alive? does he ever think of me?
it's been like putting needles into my eyelids every time i've signed on here lately...i again, for zero reason, was banned from posting, reacting to posts, even liking or disliking them...
Facebook is a a multi-leveled power conglomerate that obviously knows more than we what is good and bad for society. they are wiser men, presumably white, who have traveled the globe possibly even the universe, and have seen joy, such joy that we commoners will never know anything about, and they have seen devastation that rocks and ruins communities, destroys religious beliefs of any and all kinds, and unites through selective segregation, only the ones who are wise enough to understand and seek out the only pure and honest "truth".
thank you FB, wiser ones, for now as i humbly can begin my day of servitude to humanity with a better, wiser, more thought out and researched "what's on your mind" quote of the moment. i feel as though my silly, childish eyes have been widened with hope, are now bulging with pride, and will pop the fuck outta my god damned white trash head because you offered me the chance to know how foolishly idiotic and stupid i truly am, and so, without further ado, i will again let your careful sense of monitoring me and my foolish diminutive FB "friends" without ever questioning your motives, morals, judgments or prejudices and say nothing more, ever, to conflict or expose any other views, other than yours... thank you, oh wise ones.
The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter (The ILLuminoids Remix)
it actually didn't really even make but two shits difference when where or if he got caught...
the fact was, he was going down.
caught red handed fingers jammed deep in the wrong place at the wrong time, but fuck it, in a way, he knew that now he'd forever have the knowledge that this shit was not a fantasy, but the real mutherfuckin deal, and no one could deny him that fact,
not now, not ever.
so, fuck it, he did it.
who cares.
who the fuck really cares anyway, he's just a kid, normal kid, a little too handsome for his own good,
he must say, but,
maybe,
it helped him,
usually,
get off with murder.
cause in the long run, the real truth of the real matter of life is, no matter what anyone trys n tells ya, it's this...
it really, really, DOES matter who the cutest ones are, because in a way, they are superior to you, me, all of us, just because they got blessed without getting shit kicked sideways by the ugly stick. people really do care that this handsome boy would never,
djSÜNDENFALL31-Terence Trent D´Arby-Sign your name(Lee Scratch Perry remix)
time i'm sure will bring disappointments in so many things...it seems to be the way... time i'm sure will bring disappointments in so many things...it seems to be the way... time i'm sure will bring disappointments in so many things...it seems to be the way... and there he was, almost as i had envisioned so many countless times in my mind...only this time, he was real.
could this actually be him? it? the thing he had always thought would never actually happen because he would never actually find anyone who could, would fill the requirements, but also because he had put so much energy in imagining that he would, somehow, even if he had found this creature, would destroy any chance he would ever have of actually having such a wonderful, magnificent creature love him back...he would destroy that chance before he had the chance to let the creature figure out what a mess he was anyway...
so maybe...crazy. but, could it be? would it happen? well, let's see.
and so, as the snow drifted eerily upward, spiraling and twisting, whistling as it blew,he got an idea that maybe, most definitely, things had shifted...
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