(Theatre Of Delays Remix)

      Adele - Skyfall (Theatre Of Delays Remix)


      that was the end.
i counted forwards, backwards 
from one to ten,
repeated twice 

and then again,

now i never will resolve the trend

of where exactly did it start or end.

maybe tomorrow we can start again

and then

have the strength and not pretend

that the vicious cycle

can start 

again

unresolved, it will then

becomes the beginning to the end...

there's something to be said, my friend

for someone smart enough to comprehend

the necessity to make amends

and never ever to depend

on things which now we understand

to be the things that caused the end...

let the sky fall

let it crumble

hear it tremble

breaking soundwaves

from every peaked and strung out decibel.

        it's time we can let it go and tell

             of just how far we let it bend

but stopped before what it would intend

to be then most bitter start up of the end

           but had the power to make it end,

and somehow save the things we tend

to take for granted in

 the end...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwolenVLZh4

OPP (Ultamix remix)

OPP (Ultamix remix)



and this is why u down....

Running Up That Hill-again.

Placebo - Running Up That Hill


when you're at the mercy of someone who isn't really that capable...

what do you do when enough is enough?

who do you call when you've called your own bluff? and how can you stay on track when you yourself can't move forward enough to know the bad things you've done are just silly stuff that you'll never get over unless you stop them and trust that tomorrow is better if you can get past the rough?

so i sit and i think, how can it be?

has it really happened, is it real, or possible, or a dream?

have you been mis-diagnosed for so many years, or is it all just that the drugs from the first diagnosis weren't strong enough? 

so again i ask,

what do you do when you're at the mercy of someone who isn't really that, capable...

(and that person is you)

  there's a thunder in our hearts.
it's you n me...
u n me won't be unhappy.
if i only could
make a deal with the gods
get him to swap our places...

be running up that road

be running up that hill,

be running up that building.

Oops up

Snap! - Oops up 

IS AS GOOD AS IT GOT

AS GOOD AS IT GETS?

WHEN AS HARD AS I TRY

DO I HAVE TO TRY HARDER?

WILL THE MISTAKES THAT I MADE

EVER MAKE SENSE ENOUGH TO LEARN FROM?

WAS IT WORTH IT, IN THE END

OR DID I DESTROY IT AND CAUSE THE END?

THE QUESTIONS I ASK ARE NOT QUESTIONS I KNOW THE ANSWERS TO, THEY ARE THINGS THAT I THINK I KNOW, BUT ACTUALLY NEVER EVEN COME CLOSE TO KNOWING BECAUSE I'M TOO RETARDED TO GRASP THE REAL EFFECTS OF EVERY MOVE I MAKE ON EVERYTHING AROUND ME.

IS IT TIME TO GROW UP?

IS IT TIME TO LOOK AHEAD?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO NEVER KNOW?

IS IT PROBABLE I'LL NEVER MOVE PAST, RISE ABOVE OR MOVE ON?

 

 HAVE I GRASPED THE LAST STRAW AND PULLED UP THE SHORT STICK?           WILL I EVER LEARN?

WHEN IT MAKES LITTLE OR NO SENSE, BUT MEANS EVERYTHING AT ONCE, AND CREATES EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW TO BE EVERYTHING I QUESTION, AND EVERY SENTENCE I SAY REGURGITATES INTO SOMETHING THAT NO WAY CAN BE TRUE, HONEST OR JUST, MAKING IT ALL BLAMED ON LUST WHEN THE SIMPLE TRUTH IS, DISGUST HAS TAKEN OVER TWO PLUS...

AS I LOOK AROUND, I SEE GREATNESS, POWER AND FAME, BUT LOOK CLOSELY AND ALL THAT IS THERE IS THE PAIN THAT IT CAUSED LONG AGO AND HAS NEVER GOTTEN BACK, MAKING MILLIONS OF ERRORS TURN THE WHITE INTO BLACK. DOES IT EVER MAKE SENSE, WHEN I KNOW WHAT IS REAL, BUT I STILL CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT, IT CAN'T BE, WHY CAN'T I FEEL?

U NEVER KNOW, CAUSE U NEVER SEE, WHAT LIES THERE SO BLATANTLY AND MEANS A WORLD U COULD SEE, IS ALL BLURRY AND SEIZED BY THE POWERS THAT BE THAT CREATE DESTINY.

AND THE ANSWER IS...

is this the end?

             HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUSBAND,
 XO JOE
Adele - Skyfall (Consoul Trainin VENUE Remix)

if the sky falls,

and it crumbles

and then tumbles,

what do we have left.

is it the end?

or do we face it all together,

forever,

as skies fall?

my world has begun to crumble,

as it tumbled,

and i wondered,

where do i begin?

how do i start over?

where do you begin?

if it's the end,

and we have things to guide us

and show us how to start again,

when will it all begin?

where and when does it all begin?

do i deserve the chance to win?

or is it time to forget it all or, then again,

should i move on, close my eyes

and count to ten?

it's all something that matters,

if and only when,

the time has come to look around and then

possibly know just how and when it can regain it's zen...

it's all twisted,

it all makes sense in some other language,

it all isn't important,

yet,

it's the most important thing i can think of right now.

so,

where do we begin?

start from scratch?

erase the past?

ask a friend?

or just relax and know that,

in the end,

it all happens the way it's supposed to.

and then,

everything again,

is as it should be

till the bitter end...

but then again...

so instead i think that i'll defend

the things i struggled so hard to comprehend

that if i stop, even for a moment

i will then descend,

and then,

i've lost the battle

even before i begin again.

change

he didn't know where it came from or what inspired him to have such a revelation, but...all of a sudden, something clicked inside his head, and he understood that everything he had been overwhelmed by and all of the drama he had had to deal with were things that he had to change, and things he could change if he just did things a little differently. he had to take a stand, get organized, reevaluate everything and find out what was most important, take care of those things first, and then things would begin to change. it was really that simple. the ball was in his court, and the time was now. it had been too long since he was able to understand that what he didn't think was such a big deal, was turning everything he knew into a huge ordeal. 

and he was over it...

"it's all up to you" he told himself.

now or never, and you aint getting any younger...

there's no one else to blame,

nothing more to say,

nowhere left to turn.

the time had come,

and there was nothing else to do, but do it.

 

http://blogs.reuters.com/small-business/2011/01/12/12-steps-toward-reinventing-yourself-in-2011/

Survivor

Destiny's Child - Survivor (Official Music Video HD)


it was the best of times
           and the worst of times.
he had seen the signs coming, but had no way to stop them. they were small signs at first, but in time, they grew larger, rang louder, and now were piercing and overwhelming all around him.

when he thought back and tried to pin point exactly how he had gotten himself in this situation, he realized that it wasn't just one precise moment or thing that began his downward spiral, but in fact it had been years of mismanagement, wrong turns and lapses in judgment. but at least now he knew it, and was doing something to change his pattern and make a conscious effort to regain his footing and restore his life.

it wouldn't be easy, but it was necessary, and he knew that in the end, he would be happier and hopefully have his life back.

he'd do his best, he'd try real hard,

 and he'd hope for a second chance...

after all, he was a survivor. 

 

I'VE GOT THE POWER

sosnap-I've got the power(remix)

 

one trick pony

is that really what you think of me?

well, guess what,

i've got a lot more up my sleeve.

i'll turn everything you've ever known

into something you've never seen.

turn things that you'd call average

into crazy fantasy's.

for the skills i embody

and the creativity i posses

turn molehills into mountains

and my skills do not transgress.

for i hold within me power

unlike the world has ever known

and the wonders i create

are mine, alone, to own.

the mountains i have climbed

the seas that i've swum

make it possible to do things

that have never before been done.

if only you had believed in me.

didn't i tell you long ago

be patient,

set me free,

and just let me go.

within me i believe

that i alone do hold a key,

just give it time

let me cross the line,

i will fulfill my destiny.

(trust me, 

just sit back and you will see,

all the things that i have told you

are things your mind cannot conceive.

but remember,

i have warned you.

for the last time

you've been told,

who and what i truly am,

i won't let be undersold.)

ok, so, i am thankful!

ok, so, i am thankful!

alright!

i'm thankful that i have my health, well, whatever is left of it. i'm thankful that i have my family, whoever is still alive.  i'm thankful that i have my friends, if only they were talking to me anymore. i'm thankful for Buddy, cause he's the only one who really understands me, and i'm thankful that i am so twisted and meticulous and anal that i can spend hour upon hour doing Photoshop, the one thing that i think keeps me sane-(ish).

so, ok, happy thanksgiving...whatever that means anymore, anyway.

i swear i'm not bitter,

 just a little cranky these days...

what i did today, besides smoke pot and walk Buddy, who, btw, jumped in a lake not knowing how cold it was and then jumped out yelping..it was hysterical!

David Dalrymple for House of Field Presents:

Dalrymple-LaForge for House of Field Proudly Presents:

Reflections of Thankfulness, Gone Wrong.

The Supremes - Reflections (PNP Remix).

Through the mirror of my mind

time after time...

i see reflections of you and me,

reflections of the love

that was meant to be...

 

 

Thanks(4)Nuthing

As the year begins it's descent into becoming just another year we will roll our eyes at when we look back upon, 

we must stop and really become aware

of just exactly what a hideous year it was...

how the devastation it caused on us

is really so much bigger, 

and so much more hideous

than other years before.

that will help us separate and distinguish

these last 11 months

into, quite possibly,

the most hideously devastating

we as a culture

will quite possibly ever see again.

 

I could try to be one of those people who chooses to always look on the bright side of things, sure i could. but i won't.

those people who see life through rose colored glasses, sometimes

need a god kick in the butt to understand that some things actually

aren't things we will "get over" or "rise above".

sometimes, some things, really fuckin' suck.

and yes,

 i am the first one to say that everything happens for a reason,

but the reason actually just may be too fucked up to imagine...

no matter how hard we try, how many times we must

get back up and brush ourselves off and start again,

no matter how the cookie crumbles,

we still get effected by those damn cookie crumbs that

 a) get us fat, b) have gone stale,

 and c) weren't really the kind of cookie we like anyway,

but we ate em just cause they were there.

we can't predict that every outcome of every situation

will be something that will be the one thing that will, in the end,

change us, make us happy and leave us satisfied, rectified and justified.

sometimes,

 they just leave us miserable and with a bad taste in our mouths.

 That is how i will look back on and recall 2012.

i started it with the hopes that it would be the year i broke free,

the year i surpassed all the pain, climbed up and became

the one thing that remains to be missing, and fame

would be there at my fingertips, for it was simply, naturally,

all that remained of a life not at all refrained

but instead, all i gained

was nothing more than deranged.

 i tried to move mountains,

i fought hard, i had hope,

i stopped, looked and listened to every line ever spoke.

i tried things a little differently than i'd done them before,

in hopes that, this time,

they would open yet, another door.

but the doors slammed the lights shut

and what seemed hopeful, just turned my stomach,

for i realized that it simply wouldn't, shouldn't and couldn't be

the way i'd hoped them to be.

my dreams now, all nightmares,

were just how, now i see,

that what was once a bright spark, then a flame, now is simply

 burned out.

So the once upon a time that i'd hoped would be

the opening sentence for my life's history

has pages that are missing,

chapters half written, pages ripped or ripped out.

and the fairytale ending, prince charming and sunset i'd ride into

instead reads like a bad script.

one that wouldn't get picked up for another season,

just one that gets tossed in some corner

 or filed away on some shelf.

perhaps i was wrong, it's not at all a love song,

instead the record skips, and just wasn't a hit.

Maybe next year will be all i hoped this one would be.

should i dare hope or pray?

 and for this one, should i be thankful?

i think not.

but that's alright, i'm ok.

tomorrow is just another day.

and again, i'll be hopeful,

i will try, i'll be brave.

but time, please, just be kind,

because i can't do this again.

The End

(or rather)

To Be Continued...

 

 

 

Reflections of the love that was meant to be.

all now nothing but distant memories...

 

I Am...Sasha Fierce

Beyoncé I Am...Sasha Fierce Megamix 2009

 Sometimes i forget just 

how fierce i can be.

it's cause i'm always broke, hardly work, 

and have a fierce case of a.d.d.

but then i get the camera in hand,

tell the model how to stand,

and in seconds

i'm back...

right back on track.