Salute

u think u know everything,
and u think that ur shit dont stink,
well it do,
and when it comes to me u dont have a clue.
took me all these years
to find out that u dont belong here
ya see i can do better
u say i'll never do better,
yea, right, whatever.

after swimming greater seas and climbing pinacles of life
it still seems that theres more to climb, more to qswim.
in the horizon,
it all looks flat, the ocean looks small, the mountains short.
they are high, they are vast.
and i know i am destined to climb and swim
for my entire life,
forever.

the body electric

power, force, motion, drive.





the basic essentials to let yourself truly achieve and construct anything, to it's fullest potential. without these there will always be something missing, something off. you need to be 100% and in top form.it's in there, somewhere. sometimes we feel it's okay to slack off at some point, and it is, but when you're
really into something, slacking off is not an option.

i am finishing the final layout for my new book, and as much work, as many hours, and as much drama has gone into it, i have been 2 million percent dedicated to it. it's my baby, and i have to say, it's pretty fuckin' amazing...when it's done, i will be sad, but in september, it'll all come back to me.

remember, the best things in life are free,
but the best things in life, also, are a lot of work.
the joy you get from working hard, causing yourself headaches and nightmares, will overshadow all of the bad, in time...it's easy to forget this, yet, at the same time, impossible to forget once you've felt it.
there's something in the air...
i feel it.

Moments in love

here i go again,
only, hopefully, differently this time.
as i finish one huge project,
my mind, body and soul do the same things as they have done for as long as i can remember.
they crash.
it leaves me emotionally and physically sick,
exhausted, and depressed.
i've had such concentration and focus, time and energy
giving the project 99.9% of my time,
that when i've delivered it and put it to rest,
i feel like i have hugely succeeded
and miserably failed, all at once.
my body wants to be nowhere near a computer,
nor does it want to do anything but sleep.

my mind thinks i'll never get hired again,
my soul is thinking that maybe this has been the best thing i've done,
and it will surely be the big break i need to vault into super stardom.
my life gets put on hold for just another few days,
while i sleep, eat and become a zombie.
i go from the bed to the couch,
walk Buddy,
and don't go near a phone or the car.
i am helpless.
but luckily now,
i know it will be coming.
i anticipate it in a way,
because it signifies the death of something loved,
and the opening up in my life,
for something new to challenge and excite me.

it's a twisted roller coaster of feelings,
but i love it, only because it means,
the thing i just finished was well worth my time,
i did my best,
and i am satisfied,
even if it just lasts a moment.


maybe i dont want it to be different,
ever.

somebody please tell em who he f i is?

am i an actual grown-up?

say the devil is my savior
and i don't pay no heed.

and i will go on shining,
shining like brand new...
and when i look behind me,
my troubles will be few.





life is funny.
it comes from outta nowhere,
shakes you up,
makes you crazy,
makes you look Satan in the eyes,
and the love of your life appear.
hopefully not at the same moment.
it givethe and it taketh.
sometimes it even delivers both in the same instance

yesterday was a bad day.
my world colapsed in an instant.
i finally fell asleep after being sick to my stomach
with drama all day.
i asked miss mary j beige about it,
she said no more drama,
and so,
i let it go.
when i woke,
bluebirds pulled the covers off me
as baby deer gathered by my bed
and a 9 inch hairy German daddy was laying next to me.
everything had changed.
i was whistling.
whistling!
and the drama that caused my illness yesterday,
was resolved with a very nice email that,
made it all understandable from both sides.
am i actually growing up?

is it possible?
am i moving to another level as a person...
has my world changed?

then after spending a well deserved hour skyping with this hot mutherfucker from somewhere...
i realized that,
no, i had not grown.
maybe that's not such a bad thing after all....

tech sucks

as convienent ( im sorry its late and i cant spell)
as computers seem to be
and as fabulous and world bonding the internet has been,
sometimes it just plain sucks.
except for modern miracles of technology like Cam4 and Manhunt,
there are things that you can't always enjoy,
like when ur computer decides to die, or worse,
crash.
everything i had stored was instantaniously gone.
all my porn, of course,
were not touched...
goddamn what the fuck.
the things i coulda lived without
are the very ones that are like cockroaches n cher,
and refuse to die.
they keep going n going,
and even though they are probably the reason the computer is overloaded anyway...
they won't budge an inch
or a K.
i guess thats just the way of the world as we know it.
it's when u think u seen it all,
that a 3 year old drag queen turns the corner
hoping on a 14 inch dildo
and signing ethel merman tunes.
ugh
im over it
long day, longer night,
no, not true...
but long noight,
its 3 am, and im still working...
and computers fucking with me, again.
i hate tech.
just fuckin hate it.

Battlefield

some words i have processed
in my mind and out my pores
for a million hours or more,
have been things i have seen
places i have been
inside me they remain
something good i will contain
forever in my brain.

tom eubanks,
was my bff at one time,
now he's someone that reminds
me of  why u should never let
others deep inside
instead, sometimes,
just hide,
cause they're monsters there that breed
and dump their evil seed
way deep down, inside,
make a mess and then collide
create a scene that can't be denied
as something justified
in their own convoluted mind.
this song was ours back then
i still cant comprehend
why and what went wrong
when i listen to this song.

we were young,
heartache to heartache,
we stood, still
no promises
no demands,
our love was a battlefield,
and now, it's over.













and now,
he's outta my life.





it started very innocently.
i thought i was being nice.
but i'm ususally not the best judge of these sorts of things.
i see things very differenlt than most.
i look for the best in everything.
i believe there is good in all.
i am convinced that good will always outweigh bad,
triumph over evil,
the sun will always brighten what dark things hide in the night.
people will not let the dark side win.
they like the idea that it could,
even would,
but the reality is,
noone wants that.
everyone roots for the underdog.
no one wanted to believe that bad was finally here to stay
and the torch that kept us bright
had been blown out with just one puff.

but it was gone.
it had left,
and left the remaining ones there cold,
shaken, alone, and frightened.
what now?
what next?
why, why?

there was nothing offered as an answer.
no one to soothe the  restless heads that now were seconds from imploding.
no gentle hands to caress the children below,
or the adults everywhere.
every man for himself
someone said from somewhere far away.
it echoed through streets,
bounced off buildings,
vibrated off glass.
it was the last sound anyone heard before
it all went
completely
black.

Somebody

sometimes people say
things that dont really matter, anyway.
but they like to hear
the words they say are clear,
but dont they know
in the end i just don't care.
i hear you,
yes i do,
i understand ur words, to u
mean something,
but you see,
they just don't mean a thing to me.
so stop
and just remember
that theres times,
like last september,
when i cared and would have thought
ok, u sold, i bought
but now i have to say
enough,
go ur own way...
ive heard it all before,
so please dont be a bore,
and me, i'll just ignore
all the lame things you adore,
are things i can't explore,
nor will endulge
so enough,
now ur just a nudge.

i gotta rock on with it,
be something in my life the way i live it,
to know it's about what i want
and in the end,
you must depend,
u will not be around me in the end.

your just not somebody
i care to spend
one more minute with,
the end.

Salute Remix

the 2 that inspired me the most,
they brought me up when i was feeling down,
they gave me hope,
dreams and pushed my mind to
see that there's more to life than i even imagined.
there are things i'll never dream possible,
others may one day be probable.
some will be unstoppable.
my life will be undeniable
as one that will show me as reliable,
no more places do i need to go
no more seeds i need to sow,
nothing else i can outgrow,
and in my head,
i know i know...
it's time to start again,
say goodbye to these old friends,
not be stuck on their sad and bitter end,
just know in myself i can depend.
theres nothing more i need to show.
and so now,
i can go
and continue, mature and grow.
it's my life,
my head,
my dreams,
my mistakes,
my destiny.
it's mine,
and i will make it now
my own.


salute

My Neck, My Back

first u gotta putcur neck into it...
dont stop just do it do it

Doin' it

Wrong

i knew it was wrong...

but i did it anyway.

maybe im wrong.

it started very innocently.
i thought i was being nice.
but i'm usually not the best judge of these sorts of things.
i see things very different than most.
i look for the best in everything.
i believe there is good in all.
i am convinced that good will always outweigh bad,
triumph over evil,
the sun will always brighten what dark things hide in the night.
people will not let the dark side win.
they like the idea that it could,
even would,
but the reality is,
noone wants that.
everyone roots for the underdog.
no one wanted to believe that bad was finally here to stay
and the torch that kept us bright
had been blown out with just one puff.

but it was gone.
it had left,
and left the remaining ones there cold,
shaken, alone, and frightened.
what now?
what next?
why, why?

there was nothing offered as an answer.
no one to soothe the  restless heads that now were seconds from imploding.
no gentle hands to caress the children below,
or the adults everywhere.
every man for himself
someone said from somewhere far away.
it echoed through streets,
bounced off buildings,
vibrated off glass.
it was the last sound anyone heard before
it all went
completely
black.

stop, please?

long starry nights,
unedited babbling conversations that take you nowhere,
starting and ending,
always in the middle,
with nothing to alter
good or bad
or unseemingly indifferent,
never right or wrong,
just spoken
and elaborated on
with nowhere to go.
just words
leading to words,
telling stories of what once happened when
with who and what the results were,
if any.
what did i say?
who was i talking about?
where am i?
why am i telling you this?
what were we talking about?
do u feel that weed?
damn...
so, anyway,
i was saying...
where did this begin?
how does one make it end?
it just won't stop,
it just, won't, STOP!



please make this stop.

Q Models - Live on Shoot!

really?!?!

the problem with me

today,
out of the blue,
without notice,
sans trumpets nor drums,
someone,
another trick,
basically laid out for me,
who exactly i was,
and why it was so contradictory
and unbeleivably insane of me
to imagine that
in the world around me,
in everyone else's eyes,
and the fierce, staunch misguided and misread image
i try to give off,
the fact of what i offer the world
is something completely
utterly
and fucking amazingly
not at all what i really am
in my heart,
soul,
flesh, bones,
and blood.

he said,
quite matter of factly
and without missing a beat, that,
i was the biggest bottom
who ever insisted they were actually a top.
he even recalled several times when,
i was the one getting pounded,
ass up,
hungry and screaming for attention to my asshole....
it seems i may have misread myself,
misjudged others intelligence around me
and misguided the bottoms i was fucking to think,
just for a minute that,
i was a top.

but i'd rather watch Beyonce videos,
listen to the new Rhianna,
or recite sayings from Steele Magnolias.

maybe that's the problem....

hmmm.

morning glory in nyc

something funny happened today,
on the way home from a tricks,
on a side street in manhattan,
outside of the motel he was staying at,
walking by the garbage trucks picking up trash,
is when it happened...
unexpectedly,
without warning.
it just became like a jike
the moment that it started,
i was walking,
strutting,
ass full of jizz,
piss, and spit...
my cell phone rang
and when i went through my pockets to pick it up,
i fell.
sprained my ankle,
and fell, head first,
into the garbage truck.
at first i wobbled,
then
head first.
nothing could stop me,
i hurled through the air,
wig went that way,
fake nails the other,
my what i thought was butch clutch fell into the street,
opened,
spilled,
and made chaos and insanity a manditory moment of craziness for that time.
and then,
without wasting a moment i,
without missing a beat,
without trying or fretting,
i picked myself up
brushed myself off,
and kept on walkin...

keep on movin' don't stop no....

lol

Take Care - Drake Ft. Rihanna (With Lyrics)

I Don't Wanna Dance With Anybody

i didn't want to dance with anybody, actually...
i was having a better time with myself.
other people are sometimes nothing but over rated. who wants or needs anything other than their own sensible, funny, articulate, and gorgeous selves?
sometimes, you just have to be appreciative that you're so Goddamn fierce!
the others?
well,
they're okay.