Battlefield

some words i have processed
in my mind and out my pores
for a million hours or more,
have been things i have seen
places i have been
inside me they remain
something good i will contain
forever in my brain.

tom eubanks,
was my bff at one time,
now he's someone that reminds
me of  why u should never let
others deep inside
instead, sometimes,
just hide,
cause they're monsters there that breed
and dump their evil seed
way deep down, inside,
make a mess and then collide
create a scene that can't be denied
as something justified
in their own convoluted mind.
this song was ours back then
i still cant comprehend
why and what went wrong
when i listen to this song.

we were young,
heartache to heartache,
we stood, still
no promises
no demands,
our love was a battlefield,
and now, it's over.













and now,
he's outta my life.





it started very innocently.
i thought i was being nice.
but i'm ususally not the best judge of these sorts of things.
i see things very differenlt than most.
i look for the best in everything.
i believe there is good in all.
i am convinced that good will always outweigh bad,
triumph over evil,
the sun will always brighten what dark things hide in the night.
people will not let the dark side win.
they like the idea that it could,
even would,
but the reality is,
noone wants that.
everyone roots for the underdog.
no one wanted to believe that bad was finally here to stay
and the torch that kept us bright
had been blown out with just one puff.

but it was gone.
it had left,
and left the remaining ones there cold,
shaken, alone, and frightened.
what now?
what next?
why, why?

there was nothing offered as an answer.
no one to soothe the  restless heads that now were seconds from imploding.
no gentle hands to caress the children below,
or the adults everywhere.
every man for himself
someone said from somewhere far away.
it echoed through streets,
bounced off buildings,
vibrated off glass.
it was the last sound anyone heard before
it all went
completely
black.

Somebody

sometimes people say
things that dont really matter, anyway.
but they like to hear
the words they say are clear,
but dont they know
in the end i just don't care.
i hear you,
yes i do,
i understand ur words, to u
mean something,
but you see,
they just don't mean a thing to me.
so stop
and just remember
that theres times,
like last september,
when i cared and would have thought
ok, u sold, i bought
but now i have to say
enough,
go ur own way...
ive heard it all before,
so please dont be a bore,
and me, i'll just ignore
all the lame things you adore,
are things i can't explore,
nor will endulge
so enough,
now ur just a nudge.

i gotta rock on with it,
be something in my life the way i live it,
to know it's about what i want
and in the end,
you must depend,
u will not be around me in the end.

your just not somebody
i care to spend
one more minute with,
the end.

Salute Remix

the 2 that inspired me the most,
they brought me up when i was feeling down,
they gave me hope,
dreams and pushed my mind to
see that there's more to life than i even imagined.
there are things i'll never dream possible,
others may one day be probable.
some will be unstoppable.
my life will be undeniable
as one that will show me as reliable,
no more places do i need to go
no more seeds i need to sow,
nothing else i can outgrow,
and in my head,
i know i know...
it's time to start again,
say goodbye to these old friends,
not be stuck on their sad and bitter end,
just know in myself i can depend.
theres nothing more i need to show.
and so now,
i can go
and continue, mature and grow.
it's my life,
my head,
my dreams,
my mistakes,
my destiny.
it's mine,
and i will make it now
my own.


salute

My Neck, My Back

first u gotta putcur neck into it...
dont stop just do it do it

Doin' it

Wrong

i knew it was wrong...

but i did it anyway.

maybe im wrong.

it started very innocently.
i thought i was being nice.
but i'm usually not the best judge of these sorts of things.
i see things very different than most.
i look for the best in everything.
i believe there is good in all.
i am convinced that good will always outweigh bad,
triumph over evil,
the sun will always brighten what dark things hide in the night.
people will not let the dark side win.
they like the idea that it could,
even would,
but the reality is,
noone wants that.
everyone roots for the underdog.
no one wanted to believe that bad was finally here to stay
and the torch that kept us bright
had been blown out with just one puff.

but it was gone.
it had left,
and left the remaining ones there cold,
shaken, alone, and frightened.
what now?
what next?
why, why?

there was nothing offered as an answer.
no one to soothe the  restless heads that now were seconds from imploding.
no gentle hands to caress the children below,
or the adults everywhere.
every man for himself
someone said from somewhere far away.
it echoed through streets,
bounced off buildings,
vibrated off glass.
it was the last sound anyone heard before
it all went
completely
black.

stop, please?

long starry nights,
unedited babbling conversations that take you nowhere,
starting and ending,
always in the middle,
with nothing to alter
good or bad
or unseemingly indifferent,
never right or wrong,
just spoken
and elaborated on
with nowhere to go.
just words
leading to words,
telling stories of what once happened when
with who and what the results were,
if any.
what did i say?
who was i talking about?
where am i?
why am i telling you this?
what were we talking about?
do u feel that weed?
damn...
so, anyway,
i was saying...
where did this begin?
how does one make it end?
it just won't stop,
it just, won't, STOP!



please make this stop.

Q Models - Live on Shoot!

really?!?!

the problem with me

today,
out of the blue,
without notice,
sans trumpets nor drums,
someone,
another trick,
basically laid out for me,
who exactly i was,
and why it was so contradictory
and unbeleivably insane of me
to imagine that
in the world around me,
in everyone else's eyes,
and the fierce, staunch misguided and misread image
i try to give off,
the fact of what i offer the world
is something completely
utterly
and fucking amazingly
not at all what i really am
in my heart,
soul,
flesh, bones,
and blood.

he said,
quite matter of factly
and without missing a beat, that,
i was the biggest bottom
who ever insisted they were actually a top.
he even recalled several times when,
i was the one getting pounded,
ass up,
hungry and screaming for attention to my asshole....
it seems i may have misread myself,
misjudged others intelligence around me
and misguided the bottoms i was fucking to think,
just for a minute that,
i was a top.

but i'd rather watch Beyonce videos,
listen to the new Rhianna,
or recite sayings from Steele Magnolias.

maybe that's the problem....

hmmm.

morning glory in nyc

something funny happened today,
on the way home from a tricks,
on a side street in manhattan,
outside of the motel he was staying at,
walking by the garbage trucks picking up trash,
is when it happened...
unexpectedly,
without warning.
it just became like a jike
the moment that it started,
i was walking,
strutting,
ass full of jizz,
piss, and spit...
my cell phone rang
and when i went through my pockets to pick it up,
i fell.
sprained my ankle,
and fell, head first,
into the garbage truck.
at first i wobbled,
then
head first.
nothing could stop me,
i hurled through the air,
wig went that way,
fake nails the other,
my what i thought was butch clutch fell into the street,
opened,
spilled,
and made chaos and insanity a manditory moment of craziness for that time.
and then,
without wasting a moment i,
without missing a beat,
without trying or fretting,
i picked myself up
brushed myself off,
and kept on walkin...

keep on movin' don't stop no....

lol

Take Care - Drake Ft. Rihanna (With Lyrics)

I Don't Wanna Dance With Anybody

i didn't want to dance with anybody, actually...
i was having a better time with myself.
other people are sometimes nothing but over rated. who wants or needs anything other than their own sensible, funny, articulate, and gorgeous selves?
sometimes, you just have to be appreciative that you're so Goddamn fierce!
the others?
well,
they're okay.

the other guy from Finland

Tom was his name
Finland was where he came from,
but the world was his oyster,
and his talent was the key
to make himself a name
that has yet to be compared to.


more on Tom later, for now, just open your eyes,
because other imports have been creeping up on us,
and we are thankful for their pressence.

i choose

i dont know
only God knows where the story ends
for me
but i know where the story begins...
it's up to us to chose
whether we win or lose
and i chose to win.

did i ask to much?

did i ask to much?
more than a lot?
you gave me nothing
now that's all i got...

and then it's too late...

with so much happening all a the same time,
it's easy to forget the little things,
let alone the big things that just happen to not be the most important ones,
just the ones that,
when you step back and realize the scale and weight this thing holds on your entire life,
you realize maybe you should have not taken it for granted all these years.
maybe appreciated it just a little more,
said thank you for it,
even just smiled more often,
knowing it was there.
just because you have it,
doesn't mean it's always going to be there.
it's when it slips away that you begin to understand what it all meant.
and then it' too late.

science is a hoax

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pig sty

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was it the beginning of the end
or the end of what should have never begun?
was it all actually over now?
was it all said and done?
all the times that i sat
waiting for it to stop,
the moments that i wished for

but it never seemed to come,
the hours and the days
the weeks turned into months
as i watch the clock tick tock,
it  took it's time
it didn't rush,
it didn't care,
did i ask too much?