i'm home

the dream will come if you are very careful just how you ask for it, why you need it so badly, what you did to deserve it, and when exactly you need it the most, is when you get it, at last.
after dragging my ass all over town, from brooklyn to jersey up and downtown, i was scouring craigslist today when an apartment popped out in the apartment rentals section...it looked to good to e true, for the photos were gorgeous arched doorways that guided you into rooms filled with sunlight that seemed like a dream, and the one wall was curved, giving it an asymetric look that was unbalance, yet classi and undestated elegance.
the kitchen was modern, the bathroom newly renovated, and hen i looked at the price, and i thought someone had made a hue mistake...$1300? could it be? or was this just a malicious scheme by omeone who had nothing better to do than play tricks on me... 
so i called, and i told them about my misfortune of subletting my old apartment to a scumbag fag ho didn't pay the rent,  and ruined my credit...i told him about Buddy, and he seemed fine with the d of a big dog watching over the property...then i asked him, just by chance, if there was any way i could secure the apartment, and immediately, he sent me the paperwork, which i filled out and sent back right away. by 6:00 this evening, after running around rampant fr three weeks, my search for a home came to an end, and the broker told me he had taken it off the market, and the apartment, until some inspection took place here he coul see ny proper cause i shouldn't have it, was mine...
and Buddy's...
and so, we are home, well, will be soon, and the fairytale ended when i looked in Buddy' eyes, as he sighed and i hugged him, and i scratched his behind. his tail started wagging, his ad eyes looked at me, and i think he knew it was almost time, that we woul finally end this dream...whih was more of a nightmare...
i think i'm home...

That's What Friends Are For

 friend?
A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal. A friend help you when you need him most.





i've cried a lot
the last few years,
it's just been hard
to hide my fears.
and every time
thought i'd be fine,
but instead it all got
intertwined
with the little things
that just got bigger
around the base
to the tips of fingers
my forehead sweats
my nerves generate
electricity flows through me
as i persperate. 
simply amazed,
don't know how to feel,
i just keep thinking
this can't be real...
hows it possible
to have such bad luck?
over and over
in the middle i'm stuck.
don't matter how far i reach
what hills i climb
what battles i overcome,
how hard i try,
what i've accomplished
can't be denied.
can't i get one chance
to rectify? 
begin again,
teach myself to fly?
somewhere soon
i hope, i pray,
that this will maybe be the day.
i can't go on
i can't keep fighting,
i'm a fighter who
is out of lightning,
i've thrown my punches
but i got knocked down
again and again
till i hit the ground.
so now it;s time
for me to rise
i feel something burning
deep down  inside
and what it is
will justify
cause who i am
can't be denied
any longer,
never again,
this time is my time
till my time's end.
from this moment on
forever more
i'll show you what
i was put on this earth for.
don't let the past
ever interfere
with who i am
deep inside, here.
we all make mistakes
some big, some small,
we all need a hand,
to get through it all.
no one is perfect,
not even you
look in the mirror,
you know it's true...
so please forgive me
for all those times
you thought that i
was a bit unkind,
you'll see that clearly
in the end,
i was the one
you could have called a friend.

 

 friend?
A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal. A friend help you when you need him most.



 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friend

move on

after the hideous month and a half i've endured, i am praying to god that the tides have finally turned and a new sun is ready to rise, pick me up from the ground where i have be knocked, so far down, that my only reaction is a frown...so i hope and i pray that maybe this is the day, when all of the decay and bitter disarray that i've seen everyday since my life turned to gray, will become just a time when i was not doing fine...i seek nothing grand, but i hope one day to stand on my own two feet, an without missing a beat, turn my one incomplete life to something sweet. there has not been a day in the past year i'd say, when the walls didn't fall down everywhere, all around. it behooves me to think that what was once a life, quite unique, could be now, simply gone, this is my time to be strong for myself, and move on...

joy..

joy...

as the days passed he got more and more depressed.

when would he finally get a break,

and move up and onward to find bliss?

and then one day, out of the blue,

the skies opened up, and destiny took over.

when he walked in the room, he had no expectations,

nothing because he just expected to be disappointed once again.

 so when the doors opened up,

and the sun filtered in through the large windows,

with the sound of birds chirping outside,

and a nice summer breeze drifting in through the open windows

revealing the slightest scent of lillacs, or was it lavendar?

he knew that everythig in his life had justchanged.

he immdiatly felt the cement blocks float offhis shulders,

felt the vice that was clamping his brain, release,

and his heart skipped a beat,

for it was now, complete.

what was past just erased,

as the present seemed great,

the future looked bright.

and for the first time in over a month,

when he laid his head own on his pillow in bed,

there were no more visions of hideousness in his head.

 he made the sign of the cross as he did every night as a boy,

and dreamed of Buddy, his dog, running through fields,

as butterflies flew through the sky,

and wildflowers grew high,

somehow now, he understood what that word meant,

the word joy. 

  

better than

i hate when people think
they're better than,
and that their shit don't stink,
across the galaxy
and far far away
you can hear them laughing
as you watch them decay.
their minds are warped
somehow they believe
that they're something they're not,
it's hard to concieve.
really when it comes down to it all,
they've convinced themselves they're something that
they aren't really close to being
never will be,
not even close to,
hell no, never,
not ever
at all.

today i had a run in
with a stupid, stupid queen
who believed she was something
unlike i'd ever seen.
she talked n she talked
about nothing but herself,
she balked and she balked
about everything else.
she complained that she couldn't find 
anyone hot
as she said that i looked closer
unable to understand
the reasons for her attitude
it was so out of hand...
she ad pimples and had done nothing nice to her hair
she was dressed like my mother
at the mall,
in dispair.
but yet in her mind
she was quite a find
what she just didn't see
was the face of disaster i saw looking at me.
so i gave her a few quick little thoughts
and she gasped  when she realized
the lesson that she'd been taught.
but it didn't do anything
except shock her for a minute,
you see
people like her
are just simply extreme.
hey will never be more
than the dumb piece of shit
than they really are,
now do you finally get it?

dear God,

is it possible to think something good has actually happened to me?

is it too much to ask,

is it too much to dream?

am i too tired to keep searching

for the things that i dream?

i'm not asking too much,

and i'm trying real hard

to get back my life,

and in tact,

although scarred.

if this is just a dream,

wake me fast, please,

for i haven't a clue

as to what this would mean...

a new home, 

a new life,

a clean way

to survive,

with no help, just me,

  fulfilling my dream

taking back, once again,

my true destiny.

please God, let this be,

i swear i'll succeed,

just this chance,

and this time,

just this once,

please be kind...

 http://www.zimbio.com/Calvin+Klein+Fashion/articles/55/EXCLUSIVE+Joe+Oppedisano+Celebrates+Calvin

the one that got away

 



just when you least expect it,
on any given day,
it comes out of the blue
and clarifies things that never made sense...
it's when you're at your most vulnerable,
it leaves nothing to second guess,
it's crystal clear
it's perfect in it's own form,
it makes sense,
and it calms your mind so you  never
have to thin the worst again...
ever again.

tonight, for me, destiny  came full circle.
my past and present clashed
creating memories of who i used to be,
cementing ideas of how i came to be who i am,
and allowing me to see the entire picture,
the unedited version,
the one that leaves you dripping wet with sweat,
a chill down your spine,
a meditative sigh of  relief that makes you understand why, who, when and where
all the misery had to take place to get you to the place you can rest your head on tonight.
and  quiet storm that once disrupted the skies,
now shows signs of life beyond the small world you even imagined.
it's all coming back to me now...
the reason i m who i am,
make the mistakes i make,
the things that make me sad, smile, laugh, cry
are all because of the way things were presented,
handled, portrayed, ingested to and by none than me.
i always say everything happens for a reason,
tonight i understood that i am the one...
the one thing that got away...
the thing that others missed
or thought was too much,
or too little,
was just little old me,
being me
with no excuses
no judgements
no worries
no fears,
just a new knowledge of the fact that,
if you find you're missing something truly magnificent in your life,
if you dare to complain that you're not satisfied,
that things just didn't work out...
if you lost the ability to laugh,
and wonder what went wrong...
it's because of your own mistake
of letting the good ones go too soon,
and now, you can remember that
all of the thins that got away,
ended up somewhere, probably better than
what you could have given.

so don't feel bad for it, or me...
just now that,
i now that you know...
i'm the best you could have ever asked for...
but you let me go,
and so,
i flew...
i stumbled,
i fell,
but i survived,
i'm alive..
i'm here...
i am everything you ever wanted...
but...

face the dance

 

when would he learn,
he wondered as he woke.
how many more times
did it seem that his dream
had been cut short,
deleted,
or went to the extreme.
mayb they were right.
maybe he's no good...
is that really the answer
or is he just simply misunderstood.
but how many times,
how many nights
would he have to endure
and face another fight.
it just had to change
he had to learn to rearrange,
take back his life,
it was time to engage
himself with himself
for the first time in years
take back his pride
shut away all his fears.
he has only one shot,
this is his last chance,
it's now, or it's never,
time to face the dance...

Goodbye Stranger

Supertramp - Goodbye  Stranger - HDsound






when i look behind me,someday,
my troubles will be few...
but for now,
it's step by step,
day to day
and quite honestly
it's driving me insane.
i try to look up
but i only see clouds
they've blocked me from my dreams.
but i gotto go,
i'm sorry i can't stay,
but the places that you've shown me
make me need to run away.
so in time,
when i'm really fine,
don't ask me why,
don't wonder where i am,,
don't even bother
cause i won't be there...
i'll be very far away,
smiling,
on my own,
quite possibly alone,
but, that's a better place to be
then by your side,
is misery...

backstage jitters

as the last long weekend reaches the point of climax,
when i have finally met and been introduced to my supermodels for the evening performance,
after a strenuous day of shooting and searching for locations,
and as i prepare myself to start the show,
i hear the crowd outside on the dancefloor screm,
applause,
lights pour out onto the smokey room,
as half naked, harnessed men in leather dance.

i love Montreal because no one knows me,
its always nice to be somewhere where no one knows your name.
its also nice because i dont want anyone to know me right now.
ièm wiped out,
my bodys restless,
my mind is closed.
i sleep all the time.
a wise man told me today that its because im trying to hide myself
as to protect myself
from a world i feel very disappointed by...
could someone i just met,
have such great insight on me...
is it that obvious
or am i that transparent.

has everything i ever dreamed of gone away
or am i pushing it away
pushing and kicking,
fighting it every step of theway.
i want it,
i hate it.
i need it,
i cant take it anymore.
everything i ever wanted
and everything i need
has gone to the wayside now
and been wiped out by others greed.
for nothing that i asked for
was anything too much,
instead it was dangled in my face,
and snatched away from my clutch.

but tomorrows another day,
im waiting for a sign, god,
im waiting...
patiently,
but my patience is running thin...
_________________________________________________________________________________

the boys just knocked on the door,
theyre ready,
and som
the show must go on...

wish me luck,
cause right now,
i need it.


 

23,999,999,999 people

there's literally billions of people walking our planet daily,
but yet, we see not even .00099% of them,
if that,
and the chances of us leaving our small villages, no matter how large,
and meeting that person in hong kong or malasya or italy fir that matter,
are slim to never gonna happen...
and the other problem is,
we know all these people exist,
but never see them,
BUT, the people we see every day,
we try desperatly to avoid,
as we can't stand the sight of them...
it's the way of the world,


tomorrow i leave for montreal for a long weekend of promoting my new book...
i am excited because i get to meet new people, talk about new ideas
examine and research foreskin and huge cocks of the natives,
and become more in touch with my fan base, who, i always adore seeing and hearing from.
today is almost gone,
and all in all, i hung out and made contact with only 4 people,
2 of whom i was having sex with...
so, again,
it's the way of the world as we know it,
and i wouldnt change a thing..

dj j

djj.michaels@podomatic.com

everything moves on,
flower grow,
caterpillars become butterflys,
young get old,
old get their faces lifted,
it's a vicious cycle,
but it's the way of the world,
and it won't change,
nor can it.
but you can always fight it,
and if you try hard enough,
you can morph everything from your past
and make it gracefully evolve into something beautiful,
like our friend the butterfly does.
just cause it started out as ugly
doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
just cause your getting old
doesn't mean you can't stay youthful,
if not rejuvenated.
music and the masters who push and evolve it to fit each generation
makes me always feel like maybe i'm not getting so old,
maybe if i listen to and memorize Nicki Minaj
i'll be, what i truly believe i am,
a 12 year old pregnant black gurl.
well, see, it worked,
i'm in the same room right now with the 25 year old heart breaker
watching and listening to him spin.
it's not Nicki, but i like it,
and i feel good,
his music evokes old school references he could have not heard originally,
because he was in his mothers womb,
but  he's mastered it, and he brings it.
and so, evolution is occuring as we speak
in front of my eyes,
i am becoming a child again...


he's mastered it, and he brings

"One More Try"

Kristine W "One More Try" (Junior's Factory Mix)

down n out.
ugh
it's been way too long since the pendulum has swung back from where it somehow stopped, and left hanging in mid air...my life as well as the pendulum on the steep clock tower that overshadows me, never letting sunlight show through, keeping me black, untanned and unenergized. nothing good grows around me, it's a barren field of weeds and dried grasses that don't look pretty, just clutter the yard and annoy the neighbors.
oh, poor me..
one more try, it's not a lot to ask.
is it?
once i didn't even need one chance, and was given plenty of them,
most of which i squandered and demolished and sucked up my nose...
the good old days.
so, i been looking for a new apartment, home, office space to move the only man i ever really loved, Buddy, into. this morning i woke up early, excited, ran to the computer and the very 1st apartment listing i found, i loved. i called, and ran over to Brooklyn to see it asap. i loved it, i imagined what id do to it, how id make it amazing, and mine...20 minutes after leaving the apartment, after signing an application for it, i got a call saying it was already taken...my heart, crushed again...fell into gloom, and depression kicked in. all day, every other apartment i saw, i hated. it isn't fair.
everything i want is everything i can't have. amazing careers, jobs, apartments are dangled in front of my face, and then, when i get up the courage to reach, thinking this must be the time i'll receive rather than give, it gets snatched away, in an instant, and i'm left shaking my head, ready to cry, and shaking in disbelief. one more try...
just one.
all i want is the chance to start my life over again, begin fresh, revisit my childhood fantasy of being an independent man who isn't afraid of anything, isn't ashamed, isn't scared. just isn't anything, but is happy. is loyal, is content, and is, a man, who, besides anything else in this world, is a man who is getting very tierd of tripping over my shoelaces, stepping into puddles, and slipping on banana peels that appear from nowhere. i need this to stop. i am trying...goddamn it, i am trying, so hard.
i'm almost ready to say fuck it and just live out my life as a hermit...
but i'd have to be missed for anyone to even care and make it worth my distance and depression...
lol
i know, i'm a mess,
but a mess is still human too,
one more try,
please God...
thats all i really need...


xo
joe

evolution comes full circle.

dusk turned into darkness which faded into dawn.

dawn becomes morning, daytime,

by the time it starts to form.

and so from very little steps

comes leaps and bounds above the rest.

for it's the quiet one that has the most to hide,

nothing he gives away,

except his fear of being caught red handed.

where can he go to next?

what wouldn't bore him,

would give him the freedom he always craved, and got,

and when and how would/could/should this happen.

he was exhausted.

worn down,

only the smallest ambition was left in him.

his once steel balls

were not responding to their situation...

or maybe they were.

he was left solo, alone, abandoned by the very ones who once

raised him to glory,

stood beside and behind him,

pushed and created the monster that dies to young.

it was about to get a Hollywood ending,

as the monster somehow survived,

morphed into something new,

and became the extreme ruler of the world.

it could happen.

it could.

now, to just get it started...

were the people he once surrounded by just waiting in anticipation to see him fall?

or, were they anxious to see how far and high he would soar this time?

time would tell.

one way or another,

he knew he, in the end, may not ever be happy again.

and for a second,

he almost cried.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fear and loathing in nyc

is it fear or loathing that keeps me safely. securely satisfied with everything i don't want. as i look around, i can't make sense of some things that i used to take for granted. ho are we i wonder...
i know i'll never get an answer to that timeless question, but it sure would be nice to at least have some of the tension in my back and shoulders released just because i could relax, if even for a little.
as i search for a new home, i begin wondering why i have to settle. although theres everything i was and a new generation of it now, they have a more modern, dont care what the fuck kind of whimsical lyrical dont fuck with me i know better mentality.
but who are we, really.
who am i anyway i ask myself over and over again.
i had one career, sacrificed it for another, and now i'm sacrificing myself, my mind, my body, my soul, and my home...
i'm lost.
i want to wake up from this dream...
it's from my own valition though,
so, i guess i deserve the outcome i get.
but i do feel it,
i can hear it in the distance,
it speaks loudly in my ear at night,
whispering, and then shouting,
what the boy must do is make descisions that
for his whole life, he avoided.
theres no time left,
strike 2, bases loaded, and strike!
the cat's 9th life...
the final chapter in the epic novel that becomes a television "comedy" spin off, which then becomes a movie, which in turn becomes action figures, etc. etc., etc.
it's all too insane.
it's all too scary.
but,
it's here.
now is the time mr. oppedisano.
make the right choices.
everything before was a test.
everything from here on out
is the real deal.
and i'm afraid.
but i'm also invigorated.
having gotten rid of some ideas and rituals i go through upon returning to the city, now i can concentrate, search, climb, run, walk, kneel, and beg...for it to all come around and make me forgive myself for forgetting who i am, was, can be.
it's the finale.
teres somethng sad about it,
yet, it's a "comedy" with special guest stars Tony Danza and Mellissa Guilbert.
it's all too mde up for a fairytale ending...
the comeback kid.
the return,
everyone loves a good come-back story...

don't they?

without love

The Doobie Brothers - Long Train Runnin (sure is pure rmx)



down around the corner,
1/2 a mile from here
ya see them long trains running,
and you watch em disappear.
without love
where would you be now?

without love
there would be no reason to try.
no reason to wake up,
only reaon to cry.
no one to hold
no one to kiss
no one to stand by your side
no one  to miss.
nothing to anticipate
nothing to cherish
no one to make you wait
no one to embarrass
no one to kiss goodnight
no one to hold you tight
no one with who you love to fight
it would be a tragic oversight
if there was no love
in the air tonight.
 

Publish Post

Like A Virgin 2012

Madonna Vs Calvin Harris - Like A Virgin 2012 (Dj FmSteff Mash-Up Radio ...

i'd been had!
i was sad and blue,
but you made me feel,
shinny and new...
gonna give u all my love boy,
me fear is fading fast,
strap on a dildo
and fuck your ass!



i have everything i needed to get done today
in record time i might add.
amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you.
i feel like a virgin,
clean, fresh, untouched by molesting hands
that want nothing more than to bring me down.
i made it through the wilderness.
somehow i made it through,
2 weeks of hell and solitude.
so now i know
what i don't want,
lesson learned,
i get it,
what?
you think i'd do the same thing over?
you're wrong,
get lost,
move on.
next!
over!
you're about to see
an amazing feat
on larger scales
than can be believed.
no smoke and mirrors
no tricks or schemes
it's now or never,
and it's extreme.
another place
another time,
i see what's coming,
i'm gonna make it mine.

 http://www.blacksmoke.org/danger/

 http://www.blacksmoke.org/danger/