cheery-o

sometimes i wonder why i even try
it doesn't even matter why,
because the hardest thing of all
no matter how high i climb,
i always fall.
quite frankly i'm just sick of it...to give your best and get back shit...
and then you watch as others fly, and they never even have to try...
it's never fair to me, it seems, why everything happens in extremes.
one day when you feel not so great, the world around you tempts your fate. by casting evil, wicked spells that seem as if they're shot from hell.
the next day happiness proceeds, and little birds chirp symphonys around you everyone smiles and says "have a good day", enough said.
theres got to be an in between, where things are not meerly orange or green...i hope to find it soon, some day, and when i do, i'll stop and say, i feel like everything around me changed, and life has suddenly rearranged, the misery that one i had, has turned around, and now i'm glad i got to see the bad of life, now i can truly, see the light, and never more will i be, miserable beause, indeed, i know both sides, and i choose thee.

nothing is everything

nothings ever easy,
everything is hard,
i'm not as naive as to think
it' easy when it's not.
why is everything so complicated
there's gotta be a better way
i tried my best
but none the less
i failed again today...
no one ever said that things would come to me,
i ever expected that
but when i put it all on the line
there's nothing left that i can hide
s why am i constantly denied
the right to again feel dignified
when others around me, who have lied,
get ahead of me,
while i tand in line
waiting for someone to say
ok, now's your time...
it' not like i am lazy,
it's not like i am dumb,
it's not like i haven't shown the world,
that i am someone...
but people say and people do
everything, and act the fool
they'd rather play by a set of rules
then break away
and rule the world.
nothing ever comes from common
no one  ever became a star
by doing things as they've been done
a thousand times before.
so stop, look, listen
and then you'll maybe see
that i am my own person
i control my destiny.

 

shut up

why?
do people feel the need
to stick their nose in other peoples buisness when they know not of what they speak?
i just don't understand what makes anyone think that they an speak to someone that they think they know, when in fact, they hve only heard one side of the story, have heard only bits and pieces of what that one side chose to disclose, and they believe and then rehash only the bits and pieces they remember from the story to begin with...
people who need people are the un-lukiest people in the world.
they are rarely reliable, scarcely there when needed, predictably unknowledgeable and carelessly outspoken when it comes to their mouths, actions and doings.

just shut up people...i don't care what you think...it doesn't really matter because i know, in my heart, what's real, whats just, whats palatable, and whats true...trust me, i know, better than you.


 

my life as a dog

this is what i had to do to try and get an apartment today...


Mades

6:33 PM (1 hour ago)







to me





ok...one final request..you seem like a very interesting person with a job that would be impressive...
do you have a website link or resume that i can send along with the pics etc?
also how is tmrw at 2-230?
if not we can do thursday







-----Original Message-----
From: Joe Oppedisano [mailto:joeoppedisano1@gmail.com]

Sent: Tue 9/18/2012 5:24 PM
To:



Subject: Re: dog
So sorry that this took so long, unfortunatl for me, everything is in
storage, my hard drives, etc, so i ran over to my parents house anyway,
long story short...lol, here is Buddy, he is a hurricane Katrna rescue, s e
is 7 years ld,wghs 75 pounds, and he is etremely friendly. loves kids, as i
raised hm by my side since i got him at 6 weeks old. I akm a photographer,
so i would bring him onto sets when i shot in studio for clients, and he
has been on the sets of Macy's, Nickelodeon, Loehmanns, etc., and he loves
the models, and they all g crazy over him. he is tall,as his legs are so
long,but that is jus part of the bred, as they are meant to be in swampy
wetands.
if you need anymore in, please let me know.
joe
as you see, he is one of y models, lol, and i photograph him with those
amazing blue eyes all the time.
On Tue, Sep 18, 2012 at 2:44 PM, Miriam wrote:
> I would like to see a photo of the actual dog (not samples of the breed)
> and a description of the dog (age, gender, weight, up to date on shots,
> etc.).
>
> You need to provide me the above..this is the exact request from the
> management.
>
> Also the dogs name
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Joe Oppedisano [mailto:joeoppedisano1@gmail.com]
> Sent: Tue 9/18/2012 12:46 PM
> To: M
> Subject: Re: paperwork
>
> http://search.babylon.com/?s=img&babsrc=HP_ss&rlz=0&q=catahoula leopard
> dog
>
> the breed is a catahua leoad dog. the are the state dog of Louisianna
>
>
>
> On Tue, Sep 18, 2012 at 12:35 PM,
> >wrote:
>
> > what is the breed of dog again?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Joe Oppedisano [mailto:joeoppedisano1@gmail.com]
> > Sent: Tue 9/18/2012 12:27 PM
> > To:  Mades
> > Subject: Re: paperwork
> >
> > I know I must sign and fill out other parts of the application, but I
> didnt
> > hav a printer accessable, and didn't know the address of the buildingI
> was
> > inquiring about.
> > I am crosing my fingers that thisapartment works, I love the images you
> > showed and although I knowI hav problems wit mycredit, I can pay up
> front a
> > substantial ammount, have a secured guarentee wh will sign the lease, and
> > work nd make a good income, and hope that this can work out!
> >  i am headed out to get it printed and sign it nd send it back.
> > I am also looking for the apartment listing number.
> > Joe
> >
> >
> > On Tue, Sep 18, 2012 at 10:54 AM, Miriam
> > >wrote:
> >
> > > Hi Joei now i must sign a
> > >
> > > It was nice meeting with you.
> > >
> > > Read over and fill out the attached...any questions call or email me.
> > >
> > > If you can gather as many of the necessary documents before we go out
> > > looking when you are ready to submit everything it will be quick and
> > easy!
> > >
> > > I look forward to helping you find a new home.
> > >
> > > Best
> >
> > >
> > > M Mades
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > All material herein is intended for information purposes only and has
> > been
> > > compiled from sources deemed reliable. Though information is believed
> to
> > be
> > > correct, it is presented subject to errors, omissions, changes or
> > > withdrawal without notice.
> > >
> > > The information in this electronic mail message is the sender's
> business
> > > confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for
> the
> > > addressee(s). Access to this internet electronic mail message by anyone
> > > else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any
> > > disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be
> > > taken in reliance on it is prohibited and may be unlawful.
> > >
> > > The sender believes that this E-mail and any attachments were free of
> any
> > > virus, worm, Trojan horse, and/or malicious code when sent. This
> message
> > > and its attachments could have been infected during transmission. By
> > > reading the message and opening any attachments, the recipient accepts
> > full
> > > responsibility for taking protective and remedial action about viruses
> > and
> > > other defects. The sender's employer is not liable for any loss or
> damage
> > > arising in any way from this message or its attachments.
> > >
> > > Citi Habitats is a licensed real estate broker. Owned and operated by
> NRT
> > > LLC.
> > >
> >
> > All material herein is intended for information purposes only and has
> been
> > compiled from sources deemed reliable. Though information is believed to
> be
> > correct, it is presented subject to errors, omissions, changes or
> > withdrawal without notice.
> >
> > The information in this electronic mail message is the sender's business
> > confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the
> > addressee(s). Access to this internet electronic mail message by anyone
> > else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any
> > disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be
> > taken in reliance on it is prohibited and may be unlawful.
> >
> > The sender believes that this E-mail and any attachments were free of any
> > virus, worm, Trojan horse, and/or malicious code when sent. This message
> > and its attachments could have been infected during transmission. By
> > reading the message and opening any attachments, the recipient accepts
> full
> > responsibility for taking protective and remedial action about viruses
> and
> > other defects. The sender's employer is not liable for any loss or damage
> > arising in any way from this message or its attachments.
> >
> > Citi Habitats is a licensed real estate broker. Owned and operated by NRT
> > LLC.
> >
>
> All material herein is intended for information purposes only and has been
> compiled from sources deemed reliable. Though information is believed to be
> correct, it is presented subject to errors, omissions, changes or
> withdrawal without notice.
>
> The information in this electronic mail message is the sender's business
> confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the
> addressee(s). Access to this internet electronic mail message by anyone
> else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any
> disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be
> taken in reliance on it is prohibited and may be unlawful.
>
> The sender believes that this E-mail and any attachments were free of any
> virus, worm, Trojan horse, and/or malicious code when sent. This message
> and its attachments could have been infected during transmission. By
> reading the message and opening any attachments, the recipient accepts full
> responsibility for taking protective and remedial action about viruses and
> other defects. The sender's employer is not liable for any loss or damage
> arising in any way from this message or its attachments.
>
> Citi Habitats is a licensed real estate broker. Owned and operated by NRT
> LLC.
>
All material herein is intended for information purposes only and has been compiled from sources deemed reliable. Though information is believed to be correct, it is presented subject to errors, omissions, changes or withdrawal without notice.
The information in this electronic mail message is the sender's business confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the addressee(s). Access to this internet electronic mail message by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it is prohibited and may be unlawful.
The sender believes that this E-mail and any attachments were free of any virus, worm, Trojan horse, and/or malicious code when sent. This message and its attachments could have been infected during transmission. By reading the message and opening any attachments, the recipient accepts full responsibility for taking protective and remedial action about viruses and other defects. The sender's employer is not liable for any loss or damage arising in any way from this message or its attachments.
Citi Habitats is a licensed real estate broker. Owned and operated by NRT LLC.





 Reply

 Forward












Joe Oppedisano joeoppedisano1@gmail.com

7:31 PM (4 minutes ago)







to Miriam





the world works in such mysterious ways...lol
my website is actually under construction a i type, because my new book comes out in 2 weeks, and i wanted everything changed and modernized what it comes out.
hee tho, are barnes & noble and amazon.com links to my books, as well as, if i can find it, one for the calendars, as well as the youtube link that is here, is a documentry that was shot 2 years go when i was booked to shoot a calendar of a bunch of mma (mixed martial arts) fighters for a calendar.
i hope you like, hope they arent too over the top, and  hope they help..
Joe

new book and calendar being released in a few weeks:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/j-o-joe-oppedisano/1112072775

http://www.brunogmuender.com/products/details/id/6817_J_O_2013/

http://www.amazon.com/J-O-Joe-Oppedisano/dp/3867874298

1st book:
http://www.amazon.com/Testosterone-Joe-Oppedisano/dp/386187878X
( turned out to be oe of the biggt sellng erotic gay of all ime, went  into 6printings the 1st year, and we had the official firt book signing at Rizzoli on 57th st nd itgot written u in the NY Times)

2nd book:
http://www.amazon.com/Uncensored-Joe-Oppedisano/dp/1934525677/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

documenty DVD:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3zl0CW8G_M


ok, so, you figured me out. lol, i will give you a bit of insight. i shoot also for calvin kein, carmen marc valvo, nautica, etc.when my 1st ook was released, it became huge, outselling every ther book that year. it made me agay icon-ish kid f perso in that i am cmpared to robert mappelthorepe and to of finland. all of which was never intended, but is something i appreciate and am proud of. so, 2 years ago, i had the month of August off, as no one in fashion works that month, so i went upstate to visit my family and take my dog out of the city to go running, hiking, etc. in the month i was there, my mother broke both of her knees, my father was diagnossed with Alzheimers, and my 12 year od nephew was diagnossed with brain cancer. now, becaue i dont work every day and a lot of my work i can do at home (photoshop, etc) i sublet my apartment and moved upstate to help my sister. i made an arrangement with the guy who sublet my apartment to have him pay the landord directly as i had a lot on my plate, and he was a friend of a friend. 6 months later i get a call from my ex saying he's at the apartment and theres a note on the door to cotact the management company. so i did...nd they told me the rent hadn't been paid in 5 months, and i owed $15,000.  almost died. i tried to contact the guy who subet, but he had, by that time, already moved out and not only had he not paid the rent, but he hd used pay per view to its limt, and just to restore the cable was $1200. so, at that point, even thuh i had lved at tht apartment 995 Chrsopher St) for 15 years, i took it as a sign that it was time to move on and so, called the management company telling them the situation i told them i would make a payment plan, and the, moved out. i was never served eviction papers, ever, and they had my forwarding address, as i left it, because i was stil getting a ton of mail and checks there. i never heard that there was a court case around me and this apartment until last friday, and it killed me because i literally was paying 2500. a month for 15 years, never had a problem, and now, 3 years later, when my family is bette and i'm trying to launch a new book and restart m career, i get the notice that i am basically red flagged, for something i never heard of, was neer given paperwork to appear at, or never had the chance to fight the ase, or to settle it.
so, if you can just try and understand that i am not out to just take advantage of anyoe, but i am trying to get myself back home, to nyc, where i work, and lived for 30 years.


i will speak toyou tomorrow
i hope yu have a great night.

for only me

every single day that goes by, i am amazed just how quikley it went.
how much i thought i had to do, is scary, because probably only 1/10 of what i originally wanted to do, got the slightest touch, and then i moved onto smething else, just as if not more important. but these days are very trying. the nights are getting colder, the days are not as long, or brght, or happy. it feels like a for of death is creeping silently into the room with every shiver i get down my spine, everytime there is a cool breeze.
i'm exhausted.
i keep trying, i keep fighting, i keep failing.
for the first time in my lfe, things ren't going the way they should, or the way i planned.
every door i see comes slamming toward me, every second i spend trying to make things better for mysef, i find myself digging a little deeper into the ground, where i'm just about at 6 feet under.
i don't know how much more i an take.
if i stay in this town anther season, i guarentee you i'll break.
i've spent $2,000. on hotels the last month alone,
i'm dwindling as fast as my bank account, and my mind isn't there as much as it used to be either.
i'm alone.
every night, i lay in bd and hold my bab, the love of my life, Buddy, who, is the only one who has been b my ide through it all. he's the only one that kisses me anymore, the nly one that looks at me with eyes of wonder, the only one that makes me feel ok, secure, and happy.
and without him, i think i'd probablynot have lasted this long...
i had a real estate agent tel me recently she thought it was time i got rid of him, to mae it easier to get an apartment...
i told her to fuck off.
i guess that apartment just wasn't meant to be.
but Buddy, is definatly what the universe intended when they saw what i would be going through, and so, they sent me a beautiful baby boy, an  he watches over me every nght, no matter how hideous the world is around us, i know for a fact, that there is love in his eyes, for only me....
thats the only thing getting me through these last few months...
so, please god, please let this stop, and please let me find a home for Buddy and me...
we've had enough.
we want to go home.

 

now or never

can this be real? is this my fate? to die alone, amoung those who hate? to live my life without debate is what i dream of and contimplate. i can't do this for much longeri'd hopedthat this would make me stronger...but in the end, it's left me
weak, to the point where i can hardly speak.
i'm tired, i'm weary, and out of faith, it's ot to end soon,it's got to change...
please forgive me, i must have done
something very bad to someone. maybe i deserve to live a life without any positive.
but one more day, dear god, i pray, just
once more chance to change this circumstance.


it's now or never.

 

u lost the best

never once, in all my years,
did i ever think
i'd have such fears.
but then one day,
from out of no where
the truth came out,
and made it clear.
the ones who told me
all this time
that i was theirs
and they were mine,
decided that they'd changed their minds,
though specifics weren't told why.
apparently, to my mistake,
the love i thought we had was fake.
and nothing i could say
was good enough to make them stay
instead they just pushed me away
and left me there to my decay.
and so i sit, alone and cold
no one to comfort, kiss, or hold.
i never thought things would unfold
to this dramatic story told.
it shows me something i never thought
could be so true, 
that whats sometimes sought
can be so easily taken away
an puts your heart up on display
to be seen and scrutinized
by ones you loved
but now despise.
how didn't they ever recognize
that love was there
behind my eyes?
did they have to jeopardize
a love so simple, it told no lies.
so now i see with open heart
i shouldn't have let them
tear me apart.
but one day soon, i know they'll see
they'd lost the best
when they lost me... 

i'm home

the dream will come if you are very careful just how you ask for it, why you need it so badly, what you did to deserve it, and when exactly you need it the most, is when you get it, at last.
after dragging my ass all over town, from brooklyn to jersey up and downtown, i was scouring craigslist today when an apartment popped out in the apartment rentals section...it looked to good to e true, for the photos were gorgeous arched doorways that guided you into rooms filled with sunlight that seemed like a dream, and the one wall was curved, giving it an asymetric look that was unbalance, yet classi and undestated elegance.
the kitchen was modern, the bathroom newly renovated, and hen i looked at the price, and i thought someone had made a hue mistake...$1300? could it be? or was this just a malicious scheme by omeone who had nothing better to do than play tricks on me... 
so i called, and i told them about my misfortune of subletting my old apartment to a scumbag fag ho didn't pay the rent,  and ruined my credit...i told him about Buddy, and he seemed fine with the d of a big dog watching over the property...then i asked him, just by chance, if there was any way i could secure the apartment, and immediately, he sent me the paperwork, which i filled out and sent back right away. by 6:00 this evening, after running around rampant fr three weeks, my search for a home came to an end, and the broker told me he had taken it off the market, and the apartment, until some inspection took place here he coul see ny proper cause i shouldn't have it, was mine...
and Buddy's...
and so, we are home, well, will be soon, and the fairytale ended when i looked in Buddy' eyes, as he sighed and i hugged him, and i scratched his behind. his tail started wagging, his ad eyes looked at me, and i think he knew it was almost time, that we woul finally end this dream...whih was more of a nightmare...
i think i'm home...

That's What Friends Are For

 friend?
A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal. A friend help you when you need him most.





i've cried a lot
the last few years,
it's just been hard
to hide my fears.
and every time
thought i'd be fine,
but instead it all got
intertwined
with the little things
that just got bigger
around the base
to the tips of fingers
my forehead sweats
my nerves generate
electricity flows through me
as i persperate. 
simply amazed,
don't know how to feel,
i just keep thinking
this can't be real...
hows it possible
to have such bad luck?
over and over
in the middle i'm stuck.
don't matter how far i reach
what hills i climb
what battles i overcome,
how hard i try,
what i've accomplished
can't be denied.
can't i get one chance
to rectify? 
begin again,
teach myself to fly?
somewhere soon
i hope, i pray,
that this will maybe be the day.
i can't go on
i can't keep fighting,
i'm a fighter who
is out of lightning,
i've thrown my punches
but i got knocked down
again and again
till i hit the ground.
so now it;s time
for me to rise
i feel something burning
deep down  inside
and what it is
will justify
cause who i am
can't be denied
any longer,
never again,
this time is my time
till my time's end.
from this moment on
forever more
i'll show you what
i was put on this earth for.
don't let the past
ever interfere
with who i am
deep inside, here.
we all make mistakes
some big, some small,
we all need a hand,
to get through it all.
no one is perfect,
not even you
look in the mirror,
you know it's true...
so please forgive me
for all those times
you thought that i
was a bit unkind,
you'll see that clearly
in the end,
i was the one
you could have called a friend.

 

 friend?
A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal. A friend help you when you need him most.



 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friend

move on

after the hideous month and a half i've endured, i am praying to god that the tides have finally turned and a new sun is ready to rise, pick me up from the ground where i have be knocked, so far down, that my only reaction is a frown...so i hope and i pray that maybe this is the day, when all of the decay and bitter disarray that i've seen everyday since my life turned to gray, will become just a time when i was not doing fine...i seek nothing grand, but i hope one day to stand on my own two feet, an without missing a beat, turn my one incomplete life to something sweet. there has not been a day in the past year i'd say, when the walls didn't fall down everywhere, all around. it behooves me to think that what was once a life, quite unique, could be now, simply gone, this is my time to be strong for myself, and move on...

joy..

joy...

as the days passed he got more and more depressed.

when would he finally get a break,

and move up and onward to find bliss?

and then one day, out of the blue,

the skies opened up, and destiny took over.

when he walked in the room, he had no expectations,

nothing because he just expected to be disappointed once again.

 so when the doors opened up,

and the sun filtered in through the large windows,

with the sound of birds chirping outside,

and a nice summer breeze drifting in through the open windows

revealing the slightest scent of lillacs, or was it lavendar?

he knew that everythig in his life had justchanged.

he immdiatly felt the cement blocks float offhis shulders,

felt the vice that was clamping his brain, release,

and his heart skipped a beat,

for it was now, complete.

what was past just erased,

as the present seemed great,

the future looked bright.

and for the first time in over a month,

when he laid his head own on his pillow in bed,

there were no more visions of hideousness in his head.

 he made the sign of the cross as he did every night as a boy,

and dreamed of Buddy, his dog, running through fields,

as butterflies flew through the sky,

and wildflowers grew high,

somehow now, he understood what that word meant,

the word joy. 

  

better than

i hate when people think
they're better than,
and that their shit don't stink,
across the galaxy
and far far away
you can hear them laughing
as you watch them decay.
their minds are warped
somehow they believe
that they're something they're not,
it's hard to concieve.
really when it comes down to it all,
they've convinced themselves they're something that
they aren't really close to being
never will be,
not even close to,
hell no, never,
not ever
at all.

today i had a run in
with a stupid, stupid queen
who believed she was something
unlike i'd ever seen.
she talked n she talked
about nothing but herself,
she balked and she balked
about everything else.
she complained that she couldn't find 
anyone hot
as she said that i looked closer
unable to understand
the reasons for her attitude
it was so out of hand...
she ad pimples and had done nothing nice to her hair
she was dressed like my mother
at the mall,
in dispair.
but yet in her mind
she was quite a find
what she just didn't see
was the face of disaster i saw looking at me.
so i gave her a few quick little thoughts
and she gasped  when she realized
the lesson that she'd been taught.
but it didn't do anything
except shock her for a minute,
you see
people like her
are just simply extreme.
hey will never be more
than the dumb piece of shit
than they really are,
now do you finally get it?

dear God,

is it possible to think something good has actually happened to me?

is it too much to ask,

is it too much to dream?

am i too tired to keep searching

for the things that i dream?

i'm not asking too much,

and i'm trying real hard

to get back my life,

and in tact,

although scarred.

if this is just a dream,

wake me fast, please,

for i haven't a clue

as to what this would mean...

a new home, 

a new life,

a clean way

to survive,

with no help, just me,

  fulfilling my dream

taking back, once again,

my true destiny.

please God, let this be,

i swear i'll succeed,

just this chance,

and this time,

just this once,

please be kind...

 http://www.zimbio.com/Calvin+Klein+Fashion/articles/55/EXCLUSIVE+Joe+Oppedisano+Celebrates+Calvin

the one that got away

 



just when you least expect it,
on any given day,
it comes out of the blue
and clarifies things that never made sense...
it's when you're at your most vulnerable,
it leaves nothing to second guess,
it's crystal clear
it's perfect in it's own form,
it makes sense,
and it calms your mind so you  never
have to thin the worst again...
ever again.

tonight, for me, destiny  came full circle.
my past and present clashed
creating memories of who i used to be,
cementing ideas of how i came to be who i am,
and allowing me to see the entire picture,
the unedited version,
the one that leaves you dripping wet with sweat,
a chill down your spine,
a meditative sigh of  relief that makes you understand why, who, when and where
all the misery had to take place to get you to the place you can rest your head on tonight.
and  quiet storm that once disrupted the skies,
now shows signs of life beyond the small world you even imagined.
it's all coming back to me now...
the reason i m who i am,
make the mistakes i make,
the things that make me sad, smile, laugh, cry
are all because of the way things were presented,
handled, portrayed, ingested to and by none than me.
i always say everything happens for a reason,
tonight i understood that i am the one...
the one thing that got away...
the thing that others missed
or thought was too much,
or too little,
was just little old me,
being me
with no excuses
no judgements
no worries
no fears,
just a new knowledge of the fact that,
if you find you're missing something truly magnificent in your life,
if you dare to complain that you're not satisfied,
that things just didn't work out...
if you lost the ability to laugh,
and wonder what went wrong...
it's because of your own mistake
of letting the good ones go too soon,
and now, you can remember that
all of the thins that got away,
ended up somewhere, probably better than
what you could have given.

so don't feel bad for it, or me...
just now that,
i now that you know...
i'm the best you could have ever asked for...
but you let me go,
and so,
i flew...
i stumbled,
i fell,
but i survived,
i'm alive..
i'm here...
i am everything you ever wanted...
but...

face the dance

 

when would he learn,
he wondered as he woke.
how many more times
did it seem that his dream
had been cut short,
deleted,
or went to the extreme.
mayb they were right.
maybe he's no good...
is that really the answer
or is he just simply misunderstood.
but how many times,
how many nights
would he have to endure
and face another fight.
it just had to change
he had to learn to rearrange,
take back his life,
it was time to engage
himself with himself
for the first time in years
take back his pride
shut away all his fears.
he has only one shot,
this is his last chance,
it's now, or it's never,
time to face the dance...

Goodbye Stranger

Supertramp - Goodbye  Stranger - HDsound






when i look behind me,someday,
my troubles will be few...
but for now,
it's step by step,
day to day
and quite honestly
it's driving me insane.
i try to look up
but i only see clouds
they've blocked me from my dreams.
but i gotto go,
i'm sorry i can't stay,
but the places that you've shown me
make me need to run away.
so in time,
when i'm really fine,
don't ask me why,
don't wonder where i am,,
don't even bother
cause i won't be there...
i'll be very far away,
smiling,
on my own,
quite possibly alone,
but, that's a better place to be
then by your side,
is misery...

backstage jitters

as the last long weekend reaches the point of climax,
when i have finally met and been introduced to my supermodels for the evening performance,
after a strenuous day of shooting and searching for locations,
and as i prepare myself to start the show,
i hear the crowd outside on the dancefloor screm,
applause,
lights pour out onto the smokey room,
as half naked, harnessed men in leather dance.

i love Montreal because no one knows me,
its always nice to be somewhere where no one knows your name.
its also nice because i dont want anyone to know me right now.
ièm wiped out,
my bodys restless,
my mind is closed.
i sleep all the time.
a wise man told me today that its because im trying to hide myself
as to protect myself
from a world i feel very disappointed by...
could someone i just met,
have such great insight on me...
is it that obvious
or am i that transparent.

has everything i ever dreamed of gone away
or am i pushing it away
pushing and kicking,
fighting it every step of theway.
i want it,
i hate it.
i need it,
i cant take it anymore.
everything i ever wanted
and everything i need
has gone to the wayside now
and been wiped out by others greed.
for nothing that i asked for
was anything too much,
instead it was dangled in my face,
and snatched away from my clutch.

but tomorrows another day,
im waiting for a sign, god,
im waiting...
patiently,
but my patience is running thin...
_________________________________________________________________________________

the boys just knocked on the door,
theyre ready,
and som
the show must go on...

wish me luck,
cause right now,
i need it.


 

23,999,999,999 people

there's literally billions of people walking our planet daily,
but yet, we see not even .00099% of them,
if that,
and the chances of us leaving our small villages, no matter how large,
and meeting that person in hong kong or malasya or italy fir that matter,
are slim to never gonna happen...
and the other problem is,
we know all these people exist,
but never see them,
BUT, the people we see every day,
we try desperatly to avoid,
as we can't stand the sight of them...
it's the way of the world,


tomorrow i leave for montreal for a long weekend of promoting my new book...
i am excited because i get to meet new people, talk about new ideas
examine and research foreskin and huge cocks of the natives,
and become more in touch with my fan base, who, i always adore seeing and hearing from.
today is almost gone,
and all in all, i hung out and made contact with only 4 people,
2 of whom i was having sex with...
so, again,
it's the way of the world as we know it,
and i wouldnt change a thing..

dj j

djj.michaels@podomatic.com

everything moves on,
flower grow,
caterpillars become butterflys,
young get old,
old get their faces lifted,
it's a vicious cycle,
but it's the way of the world,
and it won't change,
nor can it.
but you can always fight it,
and if you try hard enough,
you can morph everything from your past
and make it gracefully evolve into something beautiful,
like our friend the butterfly does.
just cause it started out as ugly
doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
just cause your getting old
doesn't mean you can't stay youthful,
if not rejuvenated.
music and the masters who push and evolve it to fit each generation
makes me always feel like maybe i'm not getting so old,
maybe if i listen to and memorize Nicki Minaj
i'll be, what i truly believe i am,
a 12 year old pregnant black gurl.
well, see, it worked,
i'm in the same room right now with the 25 year old heart breaker
watching and listening to him spin.
it's not Nicki, but i like it,
and i feel good,
his music evokes old school references he could have not heard originally,
because he was in his mothers womb,
but  he's mastered it, and he brings it.
and so, evolution is occuring as we speak
in front of my eyes,
i am becoming a child again...


he's mastered it, and he brings

"One More Try"

Kristine W "One More Try" (Junior's Factory Mix)

down n out.
ugh
it's been way too long since the pendulum has swung back from where it somehow stopped, and left hanging in mid air...my life as well as the pendulum on the steep clock tower that overshadows me, never letting sunlight show through, keeping me black, untanned and unenergized. nothing good grows around me, it's a barren field of weeds and dried grasses that don't look pretty, just clutter the yard and annoy the neighbors.
oh, poor me..
one more try, it's not a lot to ask.
is it?
once i didn't even need one chance, and was given plenty of them,
most of which i squandered and demolished and sucked up my nose...
the good old days.
so, i been looking for a new apartment, home, office space to move the only man i ever really loved, Buddy, into. this morning i woke up early, excited, ran to the computer and the very 1st apartment listing i found, i loved. i called, and ran over to Brooklyn to see it asap. i loved it, i imagined what id do to it, how id make it amazing, and mine...20 minutes after leaving the apartment, after signing an application for it, i got a call saying it was already taken...my heart, crushed again...fell into gloom, and depression kicked in. all day, every other apartment i saw, i hated. it isn't fair.
everything i want is everything i can't have. amazing careers, jobs, apartments are dangled in front of my face, and then, when i get up the courage to reach, thinking this must be the time i'll receive rather than give, it gets snatched away, in an instant, and i'm left shaking my head, ready to cry, and shaking in disbelief. one more try...
just one.
all i want is the chance to start my life over again, begin fresh, revisit my childhood fantasy of being an independent man who isn't afraid of anything, isn't ashamed, isn't scared. just isn't anything, but is happy. is loyal, is content, and is, a man, who, besides anything else in this world, is a man who is getting very tierd of tripping over my shoelaces, stepping into puddles, and slipping on banana peels that appear from nowhere. i need this to stop. i am trying...goddamn it, i am trying, so hard.
i'm almost ready to say fuck it and just live out my life as a hermit...
but i'd have to be missed for anyone to even care and make it worth my distance and depression...
lol
i know, i'm a mess,
but a mess is still human too,
one more try,
please God...
thats all i really need...


xo
joe