happy bday mr president

so then theres a holiday that everyone looks forward too,
their own birthday.
creating and conceptualizing the ins and outs of making and maintaining a successful party for someone
is not the easiest thing to accomplish.
especially for a faggot.
especially when the faggot is your husband,
and that husband is a bitch.
hmmm...


so, i did what any well equipted and super multi-taskin boy would do.
i went on manhunt, craigslist, barebackrt, and put together a list of guys who i thought would be a successful "gathering" of men
to help blow out my mans candles,.
the requierment:
8 thick inches or more, don't cum for a week.
i met them all one by one, had coffee, let them know i was real.
showed em pics of the bf,
and told them the refreshment list i would be serving.
as the bday boy showered n cleaned out his mind...
they started coming, one by one, man byman.
then, the chaos started, and it ended 2 days later.
happy bday mr ex.
i know i had fun too...

my bday came uponus a few months later.
i think we went to olive garden and had twinkies for cake.
yum.
another reason an ex is an ex...

Holiday

Madonna Holiday Remix Video




everyone deserves a break
even me, who, i didn't think would ever see the break of a new horizon,
let alone a day off without worrying what to do next.
it's sink or swim,
today i jumped into the blue water,
it felt cold,
rushing over me i drank in the warm rays around me and
for just a second,'
forgot who, what where and how i was,
and enjoyed what was there around me.
life...

(Remix)

Under Pressure (Remix)





all the pressure crushing down on me,
seems to now, just be smoke and dust swirling around
causing me to sneeze, cough, and barely breath,
but i can breathe,
just breathe harder.
and so, it feels good.
as i inhale a huge cloud i know that there have been clouds before.
ones that stifled me,
broke me up,
destroyed me.
i won't be destrtoyed again.
this is my last dance,
this is my last chance,
this is myself,
under pressure...


it's been said that God gives you only what he knows you can handle.
oh really now!
as much as i hate to think this is true,
as i kiss Buddy's forehead,
give him a treat,
get licks and kisses back,
i know that we just went through possibly the hardest 2 weeks of our lives,
yet here we are.
at the Day's Inn Motel on Central Ave in Albany, excuse me, Colonie, New York.
it's 4:16 am,
i just slept about 8 hours,
my baby's in bed,
and i'm writing.
seems like nothing has really changed at all.
evil came in,
took over for a bit,
but in the end,
i'm here,
i'm alive,
and i'm doing just fine.

blah

as the tables turn,

my head does spin,

but this time, i know,

i'm going to win.

for past is past

and presents good

thought i was wrong,

misunderstood...

cause only one lays by my side,

only one,

and he, tonight,

bravely holds down the fort,

and licks the wounds

and makes things right.

only one,

i swore that you

would always be there too.

oh well,

it's not for me to fight,

my battles i won, all tonight.

are battles i hope you never have to fight

because you'll lose,

you're just wound up to tight.

 ok, we'll see,

theres no sense looking back on thee.

you proved your point,

i get it, blah!
i know you'll come back soon,

for more...

yawn!

and so it was told
from mouth to unexpectant ear,
was something i wasn't supposed to hear...
but there it was
out, aloud
and for a moment,
my heart beat proud,
for i knew i'd know
there was no doubt,
somebody, someday
would blurt it out!
the truth came oh so effortlessly,
when slipped from lips
that told it all to me...
i know now that you did what you did,
i also want you, one thing, to know,
is "Gurl u r a silly ho!"
cause i'm over it,
u make me sick,
how dare u disrupt my shopping trip!
i gots some Gussi and Versase,
come near me n i'll mase ur face!
cause i aint gots no mo time,
ugh, to think back when u were mine...
yawn,
EXACTLY!
that's it!
i yawn, and so, for now, cause ur boring,

i quit!

NOW OR NEVER

NOW OR NEVER MOMENTS





it's now or never,
can it possibly be that clever?

i'm bout to get mine...

somebody

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know ft. Kimbra (KDrew Dubstep Remix)





u didn't have to stoop so low,
have ur friends collect ur records and then
change ur number....





i guess ur just somebody that i used to know.







falling falling into space
the time feels right
but i have nothing in front of me falling into place.
day by day and night by night
inside it's a domestic fight,
but i'm both sides
right or wrong, i don't know.
now your just somebody that i used to know.
somebody someone, somewhere, out there,
someones gotta see
the unrighteous things that be stalkin me,
anyone and everyone it seems
falls into places on both sides, in extreme.
it looks okay
guess so did it seem yesterday,
so why and who, and what and when will my life be back in order again?

to be contnued...















it's a strange place to be in right now.
scary?
kinda,
annoying?
definitely!
how much more am i suposed to take?
from what becomes of my mistakes
when i never commit the sin of not believing in my faith,
i know i'll be better in a month,
and that, i can guarentee you,
is fact.
to be continued...
again,
ugh.

SHORT STORIES

as my head spins
it recalls a time,
when i was yours,
and you were mine.
nothing mattered,
nothing felt
like the way i feel,
the cards ive been dealt.

why do u feel so inclined
to say the shit thats on your mind
when nothing even sounds refined,
don't u wish u could just hit rewind?

i dont know where im going now,
i ask around
but nothing, now,
in one months time, i'll know my place
but right now i sit
in blank empty space.

im confussed,
im tierd,
i hate brad,
but he's just being a white person,
dumb republican incest raised piece of dog shit,
and not even buddy would shit out like that.
ugh
i hate people
people named brad that is.
he's a liar,m
told people i left his place a mess when in fact,
my mom was shocked to hear that cause last time i stayed there,
he called her to say hpw immaculate the houyse was.
oh well,
liars suck.
hey gurl!

P!nk - Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

yea, me too.
i've had a shit day.
godamnit, a shit week!
week?
month,
no, YEAR!
not YEAR-S, yet, but...
yea,
year.

sowhat, it' not like i aint had bad days before.at least i have a plan,
and it's a plan i actually feel is a mature,
actually intelligent one
where i've brushed off a lot of dead skin,
understood and stand who and what i'm dealing with,
and nowi feel like it's jus about done,
and in place.
i'm somewhat happy.
relived.
done.
but season 14 is gonna be a calmer
more relaxed and meditational methods of
deling with what needs to be delt with.
i have a restraning order on me by my ex, whatever.
she of all people knows i'm the biggest drama queen of all.
hello.
don't he remember when he didnt buy me lunch when we first got Buddy?
i threw his damn lunch onto christopher st in the middle of june on a saturday!
hello!
and remember the time he was craked out and threw the 5 lb bag of flour into thekids another saturday afternoon in June on the poor drag queens?
the polce came too.
lord.
it's a funny past.
it makes me laugh
makes me smile,
and as much as my ex thinks im crazy,
he should remember the craziness is what brought us close for 15 years.
10 s fuck buds...
5 as bf's
and 4 as ex's.
20 years.
damn.
relly?
it isn't gonna end like this Bob...
u know how much i adore you, you always have,
so relax, please, and recall nice things,
maybe even u over reacted?
i know i always do...

anyway,
it's sunday,
i'm babysitting the puppies,
and headed to bed.
i love you.
all of you.
really,
i do...







j/o

twisted fuck

it's underway....
a new horizon.
the sky seems brighter,
the past is clear,
i know now that what is close, isn't always dear.
i also know that
in time, you'll see,
you never got
the best of me.
it's plain and simple
a matter of fact,
no more you'll ever get to see
the funds from my monopoly.
i hate to be the kind of man
who yodecided i already am,
but times that by two
and then you'll see
the twisted fuck
you made me be.

Lights

Ellie Goulding - Lights





i guess now
it's come to this...
no more anger
from this moment on, i dismiss
anything bad,
for everything good,
this life is short,
and so i should
let go of the past
it's the only way that i can relax,
and start a new
exciting way
to live my life
a better way.

i've got now all
the friends i need
to get through everyone
else' greed.
i've seen good,
but seen more bad
and all that i can say is,
that's really sad.

if

Justin Bieber - All Around The World ft. Ludacris

if i could make it through 

just one more night,

without a hitch,

without a fight,

and with my eyes see

dawns first light,

i think i may

i think i might,

have the chance

to make things right.

but if is such an iffy word,

i know that that sounds

quite absurd,

but if i make it,

and if i can,

i know i'll be 

a better man.

for no one can withstand a night

when all around them

but nowhere in sight

is any hope,

or anyone

to ease their minds

of what's about to come.

everyone deserves

a second chance,

no matter what 

the circumstance.

no one can control their fate

for evil lurks 

and shows it's hate.

don't close your eyes,

don't look away,

to win this war,

you must be brave.

it isn't easy,

but now's the time

stand up,

be strong,

as your worlds collide.

as i have learned,

unfortunately,

we're all alone

in this world that's

a catastrophe.

so if you make it

through this night,

i wish you may,

i wish you might,

make it through

and with delight

look back on it,

                            another night.
for all around the world, people want to be loved...given a second chance to prove that above all, without speculate, they have someone to lean on, a chance to redeem and a way to get through, even the worst of times...

give someone a chance.

 

personality failure

when all else fails,
he told himself,
he would always have his personality that,
never seemed to fail him.
since he was a kid,
the moment he opened his mouth,
people listened, intently.
they laughed, and covered thier mouths,
never knowing exactly what to expect next to come out of his lips.
what insane thing would he conjure up next?
most of the time the things he said
didn't even make sense...
but in the context they were delivered
he always hit the mark with everyone listening.
but today,
for no unseen reason,
all of that was about to change...

a new day

and as if by coincidence or surprise, he wasn't sure,
but when his eyes opened up still in his bed,
he looked around, quickly,
for something different seemed like it had taken place.
not sure what it was exactly,
his blurred eyes cris crossed the room,
examining every last inch of it
as fast as he could,
for he didn't want whatever it was that had changed the atmosphere,
to get away.
but it was too late,
it was gone.
he was chilled, and so he reached for the blanket which was, when he fell asleep,
pulled up over his chest,
but now, was down just covering his crotch...
goosebumps traveled up his thighs and down his arms.
he felt the cold air from outside lightly brush through his hair,
and it was at once refreshing, and soothing.
whatever it was that had changed in the how ever many hours he was asleep,
was something good,
something needed,
something fresh, and he somehow knew that it was right.

groggily he got himself out of bed,
and into the kitchen where he made a pot of coffee, and then
ran to the bathroom to take his morning piss.
when he finished, he threw cold wter over his face,
and when his eyes met his face in the mirror,
he was a little relieved and slightly shocked
at just how handsome and, somehow, well rested he looked.
what the fuck happened? he wondered.
and as he sauntered into the kitchen to pour himself his first cup of coffee,
it hit him,
almost out of the blue,
and without any reason...
it didn't really matter what happened, did it?
he felt better than he had in weeks,
his body, though achy, was more erect,
and his spirit seemed more jovial.
whatever it was,
it was good.
and as he sipped his coffee and cheked his emails,
he decided to just go with it,
enjoy it,
because
well,
he needed it.

 

i'm glad i got to see you

i'm glad i got to see you.

i hope that next time we can both smile, and maybe even laugh.

when i told you yesterday that you really are my best friend, i said it, not to get anything or to undo some of the damage my mouth had caused earlier,

i said it because quite honestly, in the three years i've been here, it's become true. maybe that's why i was able to spew out such awful hateful things to you, maybe it's because you have become more than a parent to me, and just my closest living individual. the person that, always, since i was a baby, believed in me, helped me, cried for and with me, and pushed me to grow into something incredible.

without you by my side for the past 45 years, lord knows where i would be.

it truly killed me to take you down to the places i went yesterday...but i think in retrospect, now, you maybe understand where it all came from.

i won't go back down that road ever again with you, for you got the brunt and the extreme variation that i have since put behind me. even though it was just yesterday that it all took place, i, after i picked up my other best friend, was able to smile, even if by the corner of my mouth.

from now on, i promise that you will know, 100% just how much you mean to me. you are my mother, my friend, and my rock. please know that forever till the end of time, i will be proud to call you Mommy, and i hope one day you can be proud of me also. i know i'm not an easy one...out of all the millions to choose from, you got the hardest one to keep quiet, settle down, and make obey. perhaps thats why deep down, through all of this, i was able to, through tears and heartache, stay strong. 

my life before i moved to nyc was something of childhood fairytales. you and daddy had the ability to take this disturbed baby who, to this day, obviously, still has abandonment issues, and make that child feel lovd, accepted, and needed as part of an amazing family. when i moved out it wasn't to get away, but to expand, and learn. i lived my life to the utmost, and then some, and although i sometimes went off track, it was my belief in what we had back here on 4 alton road, that made me do the right thing, and never turn my back. i'm assuming others maybe thought my actions overboard, but in time, i think they will understand that some birds just need to fly a little further, a little highr, faster, and maybe against the wind. i hope that one day the people who i once thought so highly of, can actually understand that this life, this path, was my chice, and mine alone....but just because a path is taken, does not mean it's the path that it stays on. in fact, it's only by venturing onto a different path, that one is able to see just why the more worn and used path is in fact, just that.

i hope that, after all is said and done, we can be something remotely close to what we were just last week. a family who believes and loves each other, unconditionally.

my love for you and daddy will never waver. in fact, although we disagree over certain things, we, in general, i think, and i felt today, are still nothing more than best friends.

i love you mommy.

i love you daddy.

please forgive me for everything that's taken place the past few days. please know that as we packed the house, i was unable to help, literally, because i was locked in my room, the room i was raised and brought up in, crying, wishing, praying, that the horrible dream i thought i was having, i would wake from, and walk into the kitchen, with daddy eating his korn flakes and bannana and feeding Buddy his toast, mommy relaxing, reading her paper in her housecoat, and me, the baby of the house, at home again, forever.

xo

joey

one two THREE

well here we are,
my final days,
i promise you
i'm going out in a blaze.
i told you once,
i told you twice,
all you had to be to me
was nice.
but nope you didn't listen to me,
and so now here's your destiny,
i'm counting down from three,
and when it hits
you'll see the real me.
three
here we go,
you ready?
i told you things would become unsteady.
you think that evil things you do
won't be discovered,
guess what
untrue.
i've seen you do such awful things,
and so now it's time,
tick tock,
two
some people think they're better than,
better than what?
i don't understand.
i know you better than you think i do,
i aint stupid,
no baby,
that's you.
and so we are down to number one,
you thought you were the chosen son.
but family, is, as i've discovered,
nothing much more
they too shall be uncovered.

so i'm going to be nice,
and leave this now,
tomorrow i'll start up again,
and how...
so if your nice,
you'll say your peace,
you'll be nice,
and then i won't release
the evil, awful hideous things
i know about you,
because when they come out,
you know your through.
don't say that i didn't give you a chance,
and now it's time,
wanna take that chance?

do u think i'm mean?

you asked me once or twice lately

why i don't write about you,

you thought i hated you.

why, when i look back on those times

am i starting now to realize

that maybe what you thought was true,

maybe my love

had gone into

a different place,

from a different time,

a time when you 

were by my side.

but times have changed

and rearranged

and now i think

it's not so strange

that one time when

i really need

someone's help

when i look i see

that you're not there,

you've stepped back

and wonder now

why my heart is black.

don't you understand that i

was always right there

by your side?

don't you see?

don't you care?

it wasn't my sister

standing there...

she had other things to do,

ok, whatever,

but now i do.

i have myself

to watch over,

and buddy too,

don't be shocked when you discover

that when you die,

don't you ask

where  i am

because i'll be

a million miles

away from thee.

no tears i'll shed,

nope, none, you'll see.

in another life

maybe you'll be

the one that,

that time, needed me.

so don't be surprised,

don't be shocked

don't be foolish

from my heart 

your locked.

and never more

can i stop

the tears that came

pouring out of me,

if you were here,

maybe you'd have seen...

am i acting too extreme?

oh really?

do u think i'm mean?

well let me tell you

something true,

the reasons i

don't write of you

are because i can't

say three nice things

because of all

i can't believe i've seen...

i was almost an abortion

never once
have you even tried
to be my friend,
and stand by my side.
instead you choose
to overlook
the times i tried.
i guess i mistook
the fact that everything i do
was nothing more
than misconstrued.
by me trying
by me crying
by my applying
by me deciding
that i wanted something other than
the life you chose for me,
now i understand.
you said you'd be there,
through thick or thin,
i guess i thought
you'd be there till the end.
i guess i thought
i guess you walked
i guess i'll see
life without the you in "we".
but why now, exactly
did you choose
to stand back and
just watch me lose?
wasn't there a better time
when i was almost
doing fine?
but then i guess
i wouldn't see
the reality
of you and me.
times are tough
times are hard,
and now your love
i must discard.
it's really sad,
it sucks, you'll see,
i promise you
no more of me.
so don't say that
i didn't try,
for if you do,
i won't deny
that every single day i stood
and nights alone,
and weeks i should
have been out there
living just for me,
instead it's now,
i really see,
exactly what you thought of me.

i was almost an abortion,
somedays i pray,
cause if i was
there'd be no day
that my heart would be so shattered
my life crushed,
my bones battered,
by someone i thought
truly mattered.
i guess that's life.
i guess thats it,
so long.
farewell.
enough.
i quit.

You R Alone

Olive - You're Not Alone (Sister Bliss/Rollo Remix)


well, i guess that's it,

not even a reply.

it's ok, i guess.

i didn't think that i

warranted another chance

but i guess thats just part

of the past.

i'm so happy that

you did what you did.

you helped yourself,

and from me hid.

you say your upset,

about to cry,

as i sit here basically

about to die.

no helping hand

no reaching out

just me, alone

and so, i doubt

that all the things

you told to me

were really truths

now, i see

that you thought you'd keep me

close at hand

while you left me no where

left to stand.

i walk the streets

alone, just me,

and when i reach out for you

i see

nothing,

your gone

no where in sight.

and now it's getting dark,

twilight.

and though i try

i squint real hard,

you've left me solo

with disregard.

ok, i get it

you thought i'd be

better off alone,

indeed...

what you did was push me down

into a pit

i thank you, so much,

i truly appreciate it.

the lesson learned

that now i've learned

is trust no one

because you will get burned.

alone

not so very long ago,

in a place not very far away,

it heard it just by coincidence,

but i definitely heard you say,

please don't take that extra step,

stay close to me,

not far away,

i swear that i'll always be here,

and then

you went away.

there i stood,

alone at last,

except now you were part of my past,

and when i called out

and asked you please

to stay with me,

cure my disease,

you vanished so far 

from my reach

that it seemed as if 

your words were breached.

how one day

can you tell me this,

and next day it's basically as if

the things you said

you never did,

when i need you most

your gone, you hid.

i lay alone in bed at night

in my mind are dreams of fright

and when i wake

i think i see

an image of you

looking back at me.

but the image is blurry

the past is gone

and now i'm here

where i don't belong.

and so i ask you

one more time,

a second chance?

please?

be kind.

for no one understands where i

have come from,

through my darkest nights,

you once sat,

and comforted me

and now no more,

alone,

just me.

i thought you told me

i thought i'd see

myself by your side

for eternity

but when i ask you

just one time,

immediately

you decline.

where do i go now

what can i do?

i ask around

but no one knew.

it's now or never

this time is it,

and so i wait,

alone i sit.